The Mask I Wear

I'm a gorean. I own nearly all the books, I've been a part of the online scene for 6+ years now. I tend to lurk more on the fringe though, let others fill message boards and forums with their words of right and wrong and their anger and all too often their petty bickering. I stay out of that, and concentrate on my character and my roleplay.

Only it's not roleplay. Roleplay is playing a role (obviously), a persona, someone who isn't you... and the gorean is me, not a mask I wear. So in the Gor chatrooms that I frequent whenI'm Darian Athuk, I'm actually me. The Robert that everyone in my RT world knows, is the mask. The shy, bumbling fat guy with the awful dress sense (I pretty much always wear jeans and a t-shirt with mountain hiking boots when in leisure wear). That's the mask, I created to be a more likeable persona, a friendly face, someone nice and utterly harmless.

So how do I kill him? Because quite frankly I'm sick and tired of him. Bob (everyone calls me Bob, I absolutely LOATHE being called Bob), needs to die. I just don't know how. Because I created a very effective mask, a very convincing mask, too effective, too convincing. Right now I have no sodding idea how to get rid of it. I need to lose weight, a large part of Bob (pun intended) is him being overweight. so that needs to go. I'd like to get rid of the glasses too but the idea of contacts frankly disturbs me, and I don't have the funds for laser eye treatment more's the pity.

I want out of this shell, because it has long since served it's purpose and it is long past time that I got on with living as who and what I am, and not some facade.