I went to bed last night and as I was lying there, just starting to get sleepy so my computer goes beep and I'm fully awake again. Silly me had forgotten to plug my headphones into my speakers to muffle the sounds my MSN and ICQ programs make. Since I had to get up and plug them in, I figured while I was at my computer I might as well take a peek at what caused the beep...
Imagine my surprise to find an MSN Messenger window open bearing a message from my ex-girlfriend/kajira. The one who vanished without a trace nearly 2 months ago. I'm not sure what my actual emotion was at the time, I think a goodly mixture of shock, relief, a little anger and a dash of guilt were all mixed into the brew.
She'd been in a car crash, a bad one, had been in hospital for weeks, and will be in a bad way for months still to come. Still she assured me that she will, eventually, be okay. That is a big relief. Her injuries are severe, in her own words "I broke my right leg in two different spots, cracked a collar bone, stayed in a coma for about three weeks and cracked a couple of ribs. Broke two vertabrae". Needless to say she is going to be in a bad way for a long time to come.
I feel guilt because I gave up, moved on. I had no way of getting in contact, I sent emails, they were not answered (for obvious reasons). I did wonder at the time if something horrible had happened. When I was with her, maybe I should have been a bit more insistant on having some other means of communication, swapping phone numbers would have been clever.
We didn't talk for long, I had to get to sleep, and her meds meant she was buzzing. It was really good to hear from her though, an end to the uncertainty. Not knowing the reason why she vanished, has been nagging at me. While I doubt we can go back and carry on our relationship where we left off, I do hope we can still be friends. She is a very interesting person to talk too.
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