What Kind Of Horror Killer Are You?

Saw this on a message board I frequent and thought it'd be slightly ghoulish fun to have a go at. This is who I came out as...

You scored as Hannibal Lecter. You are Hannibal Lecter. You dont need to eat human flesh to live, but do so because it just taste good. You are very intelligent, and enjoy using it to your advantage to keep people guessing. You arent a killing machine, but when you do decide to let loose, watch out! Dinner is served, with some fava beans, and a nice chianti! Pinhead 45% Hannibal Lecter 45% Michael Myers 45% Captain Spaulding 40% Freddy Krueger 35% Jigsaw 35% Candyman 35% Jason Voorhees 25% Leatherface 25% Buffalo Bill 10% Which Horror Killer are You? created with QuizFarm.com

The Sales Annex

Time again for an excerpt from one of the Gor novels, in this case my favourite book of the series: Dancer of Gor (Book 22 of the saga). This section is from the end of Chapter 8, and the earthgirl slave Doreen is chained for display in the sales annex of a slave auction house, for customers to examine her (and the other girls up for sale) before they are put up for auction that evening:

I sat, waiting, on the long, heavy, wooden platform, raised a foot or so above the dirt floor of the exposition area, it located in the annex to Teibar’s sales barn, he of Market of Semris, a dealer in tarsks, as they said, four-legged and two-legged. The platform was one of several, arranged in orderly rows. The platform I was on was near the center of the room. I sat there, waiting, small, helpless, naked, my feet tucked back, near my left thigh, my ankles crossed, as though they might be held together by a small chain, my left hand on my left ankle, my weight muchly on the palm of my right hand, a chain on my neck, running to its ring in the platform. I do not know how long I had been unconscious. I had awakened here, on the platform, feeling its heavy, sturdy, smooth wooden surface beneath my body. I had also become aware of the chain on my neck. A little later I learned what space and movement it would permit me. I could stand comfortably in it. This was intentional on the part of the masters, being connected with a concept of latitudes suitable for the appropriate display of merchandise. We were a ten-lot originally, it seemed, but as though in anticipation of a projected decision, we had been given different lot numbers. It seems they had not been fully decided, at least at one point, whether to sell us as a unit, a given ten-lot, or to break the ten-lot and sell us individually. They had now decided, it seemed, to sell us individually. I suppose it was a sound commercial decision, given the conditions current in their area. I do not really know. At any rate, they would do what they wanted, the same as with any other sort of merchandise. We were not the only ten-lot now in the room. There were girls, now, on most of the platforms, usually three girls to a platform. These others, I gathered, had been brought in during the day by wagons, or had perhaps been marched over from some other facility. Such things were the concerns of masters, not mine. My head was down. There was a number of my left breast. I was alone. Teibar, my master, who had so easily and imperiously captured me on Earth, and who had brought me here, seeing to it that I was suitably impressed into helpless bondage, had not wanted me. My hopes had been absurd. How naïve I had been. what a fool I had been. I should have known better. I could cry no more.

It was now early in the evening. Somewhat before noon we had been watered, doubtless that we would be freshened and our bellies pleasantly rounded. The men, customers, natives of the locality, agents, dealers and others, were then admitted, to examine us, and, if interested, take notes on our lot numbers. On the platforms, I, and others, had endured the most intimate scrutinies. They had moved about us, circulating here and there, going from one platform to another. They usually did this, it seemed, in a precise pattern, beginning at one point or another, thus making certain that the contents of every platform came within their purview, that they did not miss even one of the displayed wares. We, of course, perforce, must respond to their instructions. We found ourselves often standing, or sitting or kneeling, or moving or assuming attitudes, or pursing our lips, and so on, according to their commands. In these times we were often handled quite objectively, the firmness of our breasts and thighs being tested, and so on. But then animals are often handled on such a basis, slapped on the flanks, and such. Sometimes they would even put us bodily in desired attitudes. They wanted to form some ideas, it seemed, as to our condition and soundness, and what it might be for them, or their clients, to own us. We were even, occasionally, touched intimately. Under such attentions I could not help squirming. This seemed to amuse them. I gathered from some of their remarks, somewhat indelicate remarks, scarcely fit for the ears of an Earth woman, or one who had once been from Earth, that under true male attentions I might prove to be utterly helpless. I found this dubious. I assumed that it was false. I would learn later that it was not. Still I was so distraught, so much numbed, so much in shock, so despondent, so much in despair, so miserable over my rejection by Teibar, that I was not even remotely as responsive as I would normally have been. and this had to do not simply with feelings. Sometimes I was hardly aware of, or caring of, what was being done to me. Sometimes I knelt, and moved, and posed, almost without understanding or thinking about what was being done to me. To these men, I am sure, I must have appeared, though perhaps beautiful, inert. They were now gone. The exposition area was now closed to the public. It was in the early evening. I supposed that we would be watered again, later, that we might again appear fresh, our skin with excellent tone, glistening and smooth, our bellies sweetly rounded. After a large breakfast this morning, we had been fed very lightly, however, only a handful of dry gruel put in our mouths after the closing of the exposition area. To be sure, I supposed it was enough for us. We need far less food than men. It is cheaper to feed us than male slaves. There were other reasons, of course, why we had been fed so lightly today. Tonight they did not want us to be lethargic or sluggish. Too, they did not wish, particularly in the case of new girls, their stomachs turning and wrenching in misery, and terror, to risk disgusting accidents.

"Position!" we heard.

Immediately every girl on every platform assumed position. I looked about, as I could. Every girl that I saw had assumed, as I had, the open-kneed position. It was required of them. I gathered, as it was required of me. They were all attractive. I wondered what sort of slaves we were, that we must kneel in this fashion.

In a few moments we were lined up, according to our separate lots. I at the end of mine, facing not the large, closed double doors which led to the area outside, those doors through which the customers had entered, but the other large, closed double doors, those which, apparently led somewhere else. Gloria was in front of me, as usual. Her hands were manacled behind her back. My hands, too, were identically secured. On her neck, as on mine, was a buckled, two-ringed, leather collar. It was the sort of collar which may be easily put on, and removed from a girl. The girl, of course, if manacled as we were, is helpless in it. The rings are located at 180 degrees from one another. This permits girls to be fastened, the collar oriented appropriately, either side by side, in ranks, or behind one another, in files. A leather strap, with snaps at both ends, joins the rings, usually the ring at the back of one collar to the ring at the front of another. Gloria, being ahead of me, was thus leashed to the ring at the back of the girl’s collar ahead of her, and I was leashed to the ring at the back of Gloria’s collar. As I was at the end of the line, the ring at the back of my collar hung free, against the leather, not utilized.

The double doors before us, were opened.

I could see a long corridor, dimly lit with lamps. It was, like the exposition area, floored with dirt. That made sense, as doubtless tarsks, those of the four-footed variety, those bristly, squat, grunting animals, as opposed to the two-footed variety, those soft, smooth, shapely animals, were often conducted through it.

I looked down the long, dark, dirt-floored corridor.

Our group, it seemed, would be neither the first, nor, given our position, the last to enter that corridor.

I looked down at the writing on my left breast. It was, I had been told, an "89," my lot number.

We had been fed very lightly today.

There was a reason for that. Tonight we were going on the block.

New Years Resolutions 2007

I should really have posted this a few days ago. While I could claim that I wanted to spend a bit longer thinking over what my resolutions for this year were going to be, the truth is I've known for days and have just been too bone idle to type them up. I have also been busy watching the DVD boxset that I bought of Season 1 of The Muppet Show. I finished watching the last of the 24 episodes on the sets 4 discs earlier today. Money very well spent I think. I've laughed more in these past couple days than I did in the whole of last year.

Anyway, moving on... here are my resolutions for 2007:

1. Reduce my debts. I'm going to take another crack at this, as this was a resolution last year as well and I failed spectacularly in regards to it. Still, I have a pretty good idea how to go about clearing a sizeable chunk of what I owe and as I have next week off work, I'm going to get started on that.
2. Take more pride in my appearance. I have been nagged by... well a lot of people actually, including my Mum and my boss at work about this. Not really sure how to go about this, or how it will benefit me as I'm quite happy the way I am, but I'll give it a try. I could ceetainly do with being nagged less.
3. Reduce the amount of possessions I own. I STILL have boxes of comic books, old toys and more under my bed and I want them gone. As I also have a need for money (see resolution 1 above), then selling them off on ebay seems to be the best way to go about this.
4. Try and get proofreading work. I passed the course in Copy Editing and Proofreading last year and as yet have done nothing with that qualification. 2007 is the year I try and get work in the publishing industry as a freelance proofreader.
5. Write my blog more often. This last addition is motivated by the stack of 5 novels sat on my desk awaiting their reviews to be typed up. Also of late I have gone to write posts many times and stopped short of doing so, for fear of offending someone. This is despite the disclaimer at the top of the main page which states clearly "if you don't like what I write, don't read any more of it". I will try not to censor myself as often as I have been doing.

So there we are, 5 resolutions to try and stick too for the coming year. Assuming I manage to do so and to succeed, then my life should improve considerably by this time next year. Wish me luck!

Or Maybe I Won't...

...Need the energy today that is. The reason being that at some very early hour this morning (somewhere between 4 and 5 am I believe) I got a text message from my mate Dan Shapter telling me not to come into work at 6am after all, and that I'd get a phone call later today from boss (I'm presuming he means Lyndsey by this) to explain what is happening. Fair enough I figured and went back to bed.

A bit later on after waking up, Gareth came back in from whereever he had popped out too and mentioned something about there having been a fire at a petrol station. So I went onto the BBC News website and had a look at the stories for the South West of England and lo and behold, there was a fire last night at the Rover garage (not actually a petrol station, but very close to Morrisons one as it happens) and that as a result of a fear of gas tanks exploding, a good chunk of Station Road had been cordoned off and houses evacuated.

I would imagine that a stretch of Priory Bridge Road is likewise cordoned off, thus preventing road access to the store. Without customers being able to drive to the store and park, opening the store makes no sense as it would get very little business. So I get another day off work today and I'm writing this now at roughly the time I would be finishing my shift had I worked. I've yet to get any phonecall though.

The main thought that preoccupies me now is that several of my friends live in very close proximity to where the fire was, namely Richard & Derek Adams, my brother Rhys, Mads Bak, Sean Chard & his fiance Steph and also Matt & Jen. I'm very glad no-one has been injured as a result of the fire.

Back At Home

So after a gruelling 8am-5pm shift on Xmas Eve which was a lot busier than I thought it would be (certainly with regard to the huge Flans we make in the store which myself and Lyndsey made 8 of in quick succession!), I packed up a few clothes, most of the presents I've bought (excepting Richard & Derek's gifts and they will get theirs on New Year's Day) and wrapped up warm, before trooping across town to my parents house. I spent the night there on Sunday and again last night. Sunday night I was tired and slept like the dead, last night... ehhh not so much. It took forever to get to sleep and at best I got maybe 3 hours of kip before the alarm clock woke me up. And it wasn't quality sleep either.

I've had a good Xmas all in all. I've eaten and drunk plenty, but done neither to excess. I've not gotten drunk despite drinking most of my parents bottle of Cointreau which I mixed with the remaining litre bottle of Kinnie that I brought back from Malta. Yes, I've had a bottle of soft drink sat in my wardrobe since early August just so I could enjoy it as my drink on Xmas Day. I'm home now though, having gotten a lift from my Mum a few hours ago. So what did I get all in all? Here's my Xmas Gift List:

• New Spectacles: This tends to be my Xmas present from my parents every other year, but this is the first new pair I've had in 3 years now. Thanks to Specsavers 2 for 1 deal, I also have a new pair of prescription sunglasses too with dark blue tinted lenses.
• A 70cl bottle of Jim Beam Black Label Bourbon, which is 43% proof. This will go very nicely with cola and ice, just as soon as I've bought and chilled some cola! Totally did not expect this present!
  
• A 1 litre bottle of Blue Label Smirnoff Vodka, which is 50% proof. This present I knew about, as I generally get a bottle of this every year. It is now sat in my freezer (the drink doesn't freeze) and I will open it on my birthday in 3 weeks time. It'll be ready to drink by then.
• Underpants, socks, a denim shirt and a pair of jeans were my clothes this year. The shirt was a total surprise!
• The book "It's Not Easy Being Green" by Dick Strawbridge, which accompanies the BBC2 series of the same name, about a family that decided to try and live as ecologically friendly and self-sufficient a lifestyle as they could without giving up their 21st century mod cons. Fascinating reading. I have my Grandparents to thank for this gift.
• Superman Returns DVD (2 disc edition) from my brother Rhys. I love this film, and watched it this morning as once I'd woken up I couldn't get back to sleep (damn single bed). Thanks Bro!
• Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest DVD off my Nan. Great film, and she already got me the DVD of the first film a couple years ago. Thank you Nan!
• A jar of coffee, a tub of hot chocolate powder and a handful of instant hot choc sachets in toffee, white choc, belgian choc and choca mocha flavours.
• A bag of peanut M&M's which got devoured last night whilst I was watching a 2 hour documentary on Channel 4 about the blood family of Jesus (namely his 4 brothers and 2 sisters) that the founders of the Christian religion did their best to write out of the Bible.
• A 6 pack of a Brazilian beer that I've never heard of before off Mads. No idea what it tastes like, but the other Brazilian beer I've tried (Brahma) is great stuff. They are in the fridge now chilling down.

And that's it (I think). All in all a pretty good haul. Some nice surprises in there, and the items I knew about are all things I wanted/needed. I am back in work tomorrow at 6am to re-open the department, only to have to close it all down again on Sunday for New Years Day when the store is shut again. Still I have Thursday off to look forward too. Here's hoping I sleep well tonight, as I'm going to need the energy tomorrow!

A Different Christmas Poem

I thought I'd post a poem as it's a been a while since I have. Last Xmas Eve I posted a couple of them, both the traditional "Twas the night before Christmas" and and alternative version! I found this poem on a messageboard I frequent. I'm not sure if the person who posted it there is the author or not, but I don't think it matters. The poem is clearly written by an American and is a bit patriotic, but I think the message is one that crosses national borders. Hope you like it, I know I do!

A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn’t quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
a lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

“What are you doing?” I asked without fear,
“Come in this moment, it’s freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!”

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire’s light.
Then he sighed and he said “It’s really all right,
I’m out here by choice. I’m here every night.”

“It’s my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I’m proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

My Gramps died at ‘Pearl on a day in December,”
Then he sighed, “That’s a Christmas ‘Gram always remembers.”
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ‘Nam’,
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I’ve not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he’s sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue… an American flag.

“I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.”

“So go back inside,” he said, “harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I’ll be all right.”
“But isn’t there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money,” I asked, “or prepare you a feast?”
It seems all too little for all that you’ve done,
For being away from your wife and your son.”

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
“Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we’re gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.”

Upgraded

About an hour ago I finally got around to upgrading this blog to the new version of the Blogger software. For the most part this change is behind the scenes as it were, in that the blog itself looks pretty much the same as it did before. What has changed though is at the bottom of many of the posts you will now find a Labels link. I have spent the past hour going through the list of my posts and flagging them with various tags to group them. Thus all the Song Lyric posts have the lyrics tag, all the Quotes From Three Movies posts have the movie quotes tag, all the Book Reviews... well you get the idea I'm sure.

This makes it easier for me to organise the site and keep track of what movies, books etc I've covered already, and it makes it possible for those who want to do so, to view all the posts of a similar topic by clicking the link. The list of labels as of now is:

• Book Reviews
• Gor
• Lyrics
• Movie Quotes
• Movie Reviews
• Poetry
• Rogues Gallery
• Taunton Tour
• Website

I'll likely add more as I think of them, but those should serve to make the site a bit easier to get around for now. If you find a post that should have a particular tag and doesn't do let me know. I'm sure I've gotten them all, but I'm only human afterall.

This Advert Needs No Blurb

See what I mean?

With Or Without You

I love this song. I have no great memories of it to relate however, as I've only recently added this song to my collection of mp3 tracks. The bass in this song is just awesome though, my speakers hum & throb from the power of the music.

With Or Without You by U2

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And Im waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you

How Will You Die?

So I woke up early this morning and I found an interesting thread on one of the message boards I like to peruse, read and occasionally comment on. Namely a thread concerning a website that claims to be able to predict how you will die and at what age.

That website can be found here. Give it a go, it's fun (in a slightly morbid kind of way). For what it's worth, here is how the site predicted I will meet my final end:

Robert E. Langford: At age 72 you will be struck by lightning while trying to move the antenna beside your mobile home in order to pick up late night adult movies.

Hmmm, not the best death I suppose but could have been worse... Tony will apparently die at age 66 by being hit by a train whilst napping on the railway tracks!

Quotes From Three Movies Strikes Back!

Another in an occasional series of memorable (or just what I think are cool) quotes from three different movies.

Casino Royale (2006)

Vesper Lynd: How was your lamb?
James Bond: Skewered. One sympathizes.

Vesper Lynd: Am I going to have a problem with you, Bond?
James Bond: No, don't worry. You're not my type.
Vesper Lynd: Smart?
James Bond: Single

Steven Obanno: Do you believe in God, Mr. Le Chiffre?
Le Chiffre: No, I believe in a reasonable rate of return.

Bartender: Shaken or stirred?
James Bond: Does it look like I give a damn?

Dryden: Your file shows no kills, but to be a double O it takes
James Bond: Two
Dryden: How did he die?
James Bond: Your contact? Not well.
(cut to flashback of Bond beating seven shades of shit out of a guy in a bathroom)
Dryden: I wouldn't worry they say the second is
(Bond shoots him through the head)
James Bond: Yes. Considerably.

M: This may be too much for a blunt instrument to understand. Any thug can kill. I need you to take your ego out of the equation.
James Bond: So you want me to be half-monk, half-hitman.
M: I knew it was too early to promote you.
James Bond: Well, I understand double-ohs have a very short life expectancy. So your mistake will be short-lived.

Vesper Lynd: It doesn't bother you; killing all those people?
James Bond: Well I wouldn't be very good at my job if it did.

Vesper Lynd: I'm the money.
James Bond: Every penny of it.

M: Christ, I miss the Cold War.

James Bond: Vesper? I do hope you gave your parents hell for that.

Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

Balian of Ibelin: What is Jerusalem worth?
Saladin: Nothing.
[Saladin walks away, then turns and clenches his fists to his chest]
Saladin: Everything!

Godfrey of Ibelin: I once fought two days with an arrow through my testicle.

Balian of Ibelin: A queen never walks. Yet you are walking

Saracen Messenger: The Sultan asks for his sister's body, the heads of those responsible and the surrender of Jerusalem.
Guy de Lusignan: Does he?
Saracen Messenger: What is you reply?
Guy de Lusignan: This.
[Decapitates the messenger]

Nasir: Your qualities will be known among your enemies long before you meet them my friend.

Saladin: Will you yield the city?
Balian of Ibelin: Before I lose it, I will burn it to the ground. Your holy places - ours. Every last thing in Jerusalem that drives men mad.
Saladin: I wonder if it would not be better if you did.

Saladin: Who defends?
Nasir: Balian of Ibelin. The son of Godfrey.
Saladin: Godfrey? Godfrey nearly killed me in the Lebanon. Truly, I did not know he had a son.
Nasir: It was his son at Kerak.
Saladin: The one you let live?
Nasir: Yes.
Saladin: Perhaps you should not have.
Nasir: Perhaps I should have had a different teacher.

Tiberias: [to Balian] May God be with you, he's no longer with me.

Guy de Lusignan: Give me a war.
Reynald: That is what I do.

King Baldwin IV: I felt in that moment that I would live to be a hundred. Now I know I shall not see thirty.

Balian of Ibelin: Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Safeguard the helpless. Never lie, even if it leads to your death; that is your oath.
[slap]
Balian of Ibelin: And that is so you don't forget it. Rise a knight... rise a knight!

Sybilla: There will be a day when you will wish you had done a little evil to do a greater good.

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

Dracula: You will, I trust, excuse me if I... do not join you... but I have already dined, and I never drink... wine.

Dracula: I am the monster that breathing men would kill. I am Dracula.

Professor Abraham Van Helsing: She lives beyond the grace of God, a wanderer in the outer darkness. She is "vampyr", "nosferatu". These creatures do not die like the bee after the first sting, but instead grow strong and become immortal once infected by another nosferatu. So, my friends we fight not one beast but legions that go on age after age after age, feeding on the blood of the living.

Renfield: I'm no lunatic man. I'm a sane man fighting for his soul.

Dracula: [about the wolves that are howling] Listen to them: the children of the night. What sweet music they make.

Professor Abraham Van Helsing: Mr. Morris, your bullets will not harm him. He must be beheaded. I suggest that you use your big Bowie knife.
Quincey P. Morris: Well, I wasn't plan on getting that close, Doc.

Dracula: I condemn you to living death. To eternal hunger for living blood.

Dracula: I shall rise from my own death, to avenge hers with all the powers of darkness.

Mina Harker: Take me away from all this death!

Dracula: I, who served the Cross. I, who commanded nations, hundreds of years before you were born.
Professor Abraham Van Helsing: Your armies were defeated. You tortured and impaled thousands of people.
Dracula: I was betrayed. Look at what your God has done to me!

Opposites Attract

Heh time for another song with silly lyrics I think. I say silly, because from personal experience opposites most defnately do not attract. I also have a hard time believing that any two people as opposite as the pair in this song are, would ever be compatible. Maybe I'm being too cynical, but the couple in this song (in my opinion) would spend their entire time arguing. Course all that anger and passion could make for a tempestous relationship I suppose.

Opposites Attract by Paula Abdul

Baby seems we never ever agree
You like the movies
And I like T.V.
I take thing serious
And you take 'em light
I go to bed early
And I party all night
Our friends are sayin'
We ain't gonna last
Cuz I move slowly
And baby I'm fast
I like it quiet
And I love to shout
But when we get together
It just all works out

I take--2 steps forward
I take--2 steps back
We come together
Cuz opposites attract
And you know--it ain't fiction
Just a natural fact
We come together
Cuz opposites attract

Who'd a thought we could be lovers
She makes the bed
And he steals the covers
She likes it neat
And he makes a mess
I take it easy
Baby I get obsessed
She's got the money
And he's always broke
I don't like cigarettes
And I like to smoke
Things in common
There just ain't a one
But when we get together
We have nothin' but fun

I take--2 steps forward
I take--2 steps back
We come together
Cuz opposites attract
And you know--it ain't fiction
Just a natural fact
We come together
Cuz opposites attract

I take--2 steps forward
I take--2 steps back
We come together
Cuz opposites attract
And you know--it ain't fiction
Just a natural fact
We come together
Cuz opposites attract

Baby ain't it somethin'
How we lasted this long
You and me
Provin' everyone wrong
Don't think we'll ever
Get our differences patched
Don't really matter
Cuz we're perfectly matched

I take--2 steps forward
I take--2 steps back
We come together
Cuz opposites attract
And you know--it ain't fiction
Just a natural fact
We come together
Cuz opposites attract

I take--2 steps forward
I take--2 steps back
We come together
Cuz opposites attract
And you know--it ain't fiction
Just a natural fact
We come together
Cuz opposites attract

Lies Of Light: A Book Review

The backlog pile of these reviews is slowly but surely decreasing. Lies of Light by Phillip Athans is a Forgotten Realms novel and the second book in The Watercourse Trilogy, which details one visionary's attempt to build a canal that would link the Sea of Fallen Stars (the landlocked Inner Sea of Faerun) to the Lake of Steam (which then connects into the various outer seas & oceans). The canal would forever alter trade routes, and so for every group/nation that wants to see it built, there's another that doesn't... and many of those who don't are prepared to do anything to stop it being finished.

As with the previous book in the trilogy (Whisper of Waves), each chapter (of which there are many, 68 in all in a book 308 pages in length) is short and is also given a precise date. This is handy in keeping track of the story because the book covers several years worth of events (though nowhere near as many as the first book did).

The book follows Ivar Devorast as he works on his canal, aided by his dwarf stonemason friends Hrothgar & Vrengarl, and then later by the alchemist Surero whose experiments in smokepower, produce amazing results. Unfortunately for Devorast, back in the nearby city-state of Innarlith change is in the air. The Red Wizard Marek Rymut doesn't want the canal built, as he makes a tidy sum of money using magic to shift goods and people from one sea to the other. To that extent he engineers a coup, replacing the Ransar (ruler of the city) who supported & funded the canal project, with one who views it as a huge waste of money and resources.

Undeterred by the sudden lack of funding coming from Innarlith (and not really surprised by it either), Devorast has already secured alternate sources of funding from foreign governments & agencies who are eager to have a shipping route to the outer seas. With the money come men too, and with the explosive power of Surero's smokepowder to boot, if anything the canal is now being built faster than before.

While a power struggle over the canal goes on, Willem's star rises in society whilst he slides into despair, having already been promoted beyond his ability, his sham of a marriage to the beautiful (and haunted) Phyrea (who actually desires Devorast), loses him the woman he truly loves. And all the while the genasi senator Pristoleph rises to power, unnoticed and unchecked.

The book is filled with genuinely interesting characters, even the ones you will despise (and if you're anything like me, then both Willem Korvan and Marek Rymut will be high on that list!) are fascinating to read about. There are many plot threads interweaving, spread over years of time and I am very interested to see how Mr. Athans is going to resolve all of this in the third and final book Scream Of Stone which is out in June 2007.

I'm going to award this book 4/5. It is a good read, but not quite as good as the first part I felt, in large because it is the middle part of the story and so there is no real beginning or ending to the tale, just a lot of plots continuing. There is very little resolution to anything in this book, and the parts where it seem like something is being resolved, really only serve to spur another plot element onwards. One thing is certain though, I really hope that Devorast gets to finish his canal, but I get the feeling that this trilogy isn't going to have a happy ending.

Shadowbred: A Book Review

Jumping the queue a bit is a book that I just finished reading in the early hours of this morning. Shadowbred by Paul S. Kemp is a Forgotten Realms novel, and it is the first book of The Twilight War trilogy. The book is a direct sequel to Mr. Kemp's earlier novels Shadow's Witness and the Erevis Cale trilogy (Twilight Falling, Dawn Of Night and Midnight's Mask), and is set about a year after the end of the trilogy in the Year of Lightning Storms (1374DR). As you can see I've read and reviewed all of the authors previous books featuring his main character, so I apologise in advance if any bias rears its head in this review.

The book opens with a chapter showing just what Erevis Cale has been doing since defeating the Sojourner, in the year since those events. In essence he has retired to the country, living a simple life in a cottage with the woman Varra who he rescued from Skullport. Still as the opening chapter shows, old habits die hard, and Cale made a promise to his late friend Jak Fleet to try and be a hero, so at night when his lady sleeps, he has been shadow-walking around the area, battling monsters and villains. Try as he might, Cale cannot deny what he is.

Elsewhere the Shadovar (residents of the sinister city of Shade) are scheming, having spent the couple years since their return to Faerun futiley trying to ressurect their long dead empire. Resigning themselves to defeat on that front, they put into motion plans to gain themselves a new empire... beginning with Sembia, a decadent nation of allied city states, ruled by merchants. and in a land where money and profit rule, corruption is never far behind.

Using lies, hidden agents and murder, the Shadovar easily manipulate Sembia into civil war, a war where they, unseen, will control both forces, allowing them to weaken Sembia to the point where a takeover by their own forces is easy, and perhaps even desired on the part of a war-weary populace. A very clever bit of writing, and not at all dissimilar to the essential plotline of the Sith's manipulations in the Star Wars prequel trilogy.

Drawn into this growing chaos by his old ties to the Uskevren family of Selgaunt, and by the desires of his god Mask, who he has shunned for the past year, Cale immediatly begins to realise that something is terribly wrong in Sembia. To say more than that would be to spoil what is one of the best written books I've read this year... and I've read a LOT of good books this year!

There are some truly awesome sequences to read about in this book, such as a night fight between a hundred armed and dangerous men on horseback and Cale, the first amongst the Chosen of Mask, a priest and assassin. Or the meeting in a dirty alleyway between Cale and his God who is "slumming it". Other characters make a welcome return too, both Magadon Kest who has a very personal struggle to overcome, and though we are kept waiting for him, Mask's number two man, Drasek Riven, Cale's proverbial partner in crime is here too, changed in some ways, but still a bona fide bastard when he needs to be!

The Shadovar are truly nasty villains, evil, scheming, a bit oily at times, but the power these men command is never in doubt in the way they carry themselves, the way they speak. They are epic villains and they behave as such, without ever coming across as being pompous. Unsurprisingly I award this book my highest marks, 5/5 and I'm now eagerly waiting for the second book in the trilogy... bit of a bummer then that it's not out until August 2007!!

The Sea Devil's Eye: A Book Review

Right, I am now on holiday for the next week, so no more work making cream cakes for a few days, which means I can (hopefully) crack into the frankly hideous backlog I have of things to type up. Like the reviews of the last five novels I've read, all of which are piled up (neatly) at one side of my desk awaiting my attention. So without further waffle from me, let's make a start.

The Sea Devil's Eye by Mel Odom is a Forgotten Realms novel and the final part of the Threat From The Sea Trilogy, which details a war waged on the coastal realm sof Faerun by an alliance of evil undersea creatures (primarily the sahuagin), led by the villainous & mysterious Iakhovas. The book begins a couple months after the events of the previous book (Under Fallen Stars), and also after the short story One Who Swims With Sekolah (also by Mel Odom) which is included in the anthology Realms of the Deep.

We join the narrative as Pacys the elderly human bard is watching the sea elves fight (and lose) a desperate battle with the sahuagin at the site of the Sharksbane Wall, which has just been shattered (as detailed in the short story I mentioned). There he and Khlinat bear witness to the fury of the long imprisoned sahuagin, now freed from behind the wall to terrorise the Inner Sea for the first time in centuries.

Jherek meanwhile is still trying to recover an item he lost from the pirate Vurgrom, accompanied by the paladin Glawinn, the pirate Azla and the lady mage Sabyna. He is growing as a man, maturing, each of his companions (but primarily Glawinn) helping him to become what he needs to be, as all of them can feel the pull of destiny attached to him. This scares Sabyna, she is already confused over her feelings for him, and can't understand why he seems to keep her at arms length, even while obviously having strong feelings for her.

Elsewhere, the malenti priestess Laaqueel serves Iakhovas, but she is troubled having heard another voice calling to her, and not that of her God. This other voice speaks calmly, gently and shows her the truths that her master would keep from her, that Iakhovas is not what he appears to be.

To say any more than that would be to spoil the plot of what is a really gripping tale. I found myself always eager to find out what happened next. If I have a complaint, it would be the same one I've seen voiced on many other revies of this book, and that is that the finale is rushed. I feel another 40-50 pages would have made for a better book. As it is after 3 books of plots, slow and steady character growth, romance, and much derring-do, the main villain is disposed of in a really short fight. Also the big reveal of what he actually is, was a bit of a let down (especially since the front cover completely gives it away!).

All in all, I'm going to give this book 4/5. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and some of the characters I would very much like to read further stories about (particularly Glawinn, who is one of the best written paladins I've come across in any novel).

A Leash

I bought a leash today on my way back from the cinema. I'd been meaning to get one for a while, and since my walk home took me past the Pets At Home store and they were open, I decided I might as well get it while I was in that part of town.

So I go in and they have a very nice range of pet leads in leather, cord, that horrid synthetic stuff and of course chain. Me being a Gorean, I go for the chain. 40" in length with a black leather handle and a snap fastening. A steal at £4.99.

I take it to the counter and the girl there rings it up and asks what kind of dog I have.

"Ohh I don't have a dog, it's for my kajira" I reply (even though I don't actually have a kajira as yet).

"Kah gee rah?" and a puzzled look is the reply I get as I'm typing in my pin number.

"Got a bit of paper and a pen?" I ask, and sure enough she produces such. I write down the word KAJIRA in capitals for her, slide it back to her and smile as I say "Look it up on Google. Good night" and taking my card and my newly bought leash, walk out of the store.

Sure wish I could be there to see her face if/when she does take my suggestion!

Words Women Use

I saw this on a message board and I just had to repost it here. Enjoy:

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say "You're welcome."

WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

Writer's Block

AARRGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*puff, pant* Right I haven't exactly been writing a lot of late, mainly because my knack for figuring out how to write things seems to have deserted me. I have plenty of stuff to write about (I'm sat here with a small pile of novels in front of me needing reveiwing for starters), I just can't seem to find the motivation to do so of late. It's not that I'm bored of writing either, I love to write. I'm not bored of my blog either, I'm quite proud of my corner of the world wide web. so I don't know what is causing this general malaise of late, but I felt it important to at least put something here to explain the recent lack of posts.

Normal service will (hopefully) be shortly resumed.

Looking Nice Again

So up until this evening if you went back through my blog it started looking a bit messy. Pictures missing (including the header picture), links not working or missing and generally the site looked untidy and half finished. Not so anymore, as I discovered Blogspot's neat "Republish Entire Blog" button. This has set every page in the blog now to the most recent standard, so the entire site looks as good as the front page. Now if only I could fix all the typo's that easily...

There And Back Again

Today I've spent the past few hours in the city of Cardiff (capital city of Wales) visiting my relatives, something I'd not done in a few years. I went with my parents and my brother as a late addition to their trip (I was only asked yesterday if I had the day free), as Dad & Rhys were going up to watch a Rugby match and Mum was going to spend time first with Nan (her mother) and then after the other two returned from the match, to visit Grandma & Grampy (Dad's parents) for tea.

Since it's been a good couple years at least since I'd seen any of those relatives I eagerly agreed to join the trip, and so left the house at about 9:30am this morning to trek across town to my brothers flat, where we were to be picked up from by the parents at 10am. Sure enough they turned up on time, Mum sat in the back seat with their dog Shannon and so I grabbed the front seat next to Dad. The drive up was unevertful apart from noticing the new arrivals at the side of the motorway.

To explain: For years there was a large model camel at the end of a farmers field facing onto the motorway and it was there so long that it became something of a local landmark (so much so that when the farmer actually removed it to repair it, it made the local news as drivers had known to look out for it for years and could measure their remaining journey time from it!). So that started the trend. Then the district council added a huge piece of art in the shape of a wicker man... which got burned down by vandals, so they rebuilt it, doused it in flameproof stuff and put a moat around it to deter future burnings. So far this tactic has worked. The new arrival (for me at least as I'd not seen it before) was a large Tyrannosaurus Rex that has appeared to overlook the northbound side of the motorway, so that was amusing to see.

Anyway we got to Cardiff in time for lunch at Nan's. Now Mum had mentioned that there would be Clarks pies for lunch. There wasn't. This to me was a great shame, because as nice as the Chicken & Mushroom pies we had were, Clarks pies are on a level far above and beyond that of any other meat pie I've ever eaten. So when me & Mum took the dog for a walk a bit later on, I made sure to nip into the local store to get a couple of them, which are now in the fridge and will be my tea tomorrow night.

I napped on the sofa in Nan's for much of the afternoon, drifting in and out of consciousness. I guess I must have needed the sleep, though I'm not sure I want to know what I sounded like as apparently I scared the dog a few times. I have been told before that I growl in my sleep, so maybe the people who've told me that in the past weren't kidding after all!

Once Dad & Rhys returned it was off to see the Grandparents, where we enjoyed a nice picnic like tea of sandwiches, crisps and Grandma's ever fantastic trifle. Was sad to see that Grandma's arm is badly injured from a fall she took on holiday earlier this year, she holding it like it was a prosthesis and it showing about that level of movement. I really hope the doctors can sort that out for her soon. I wish I'd brought my digicam with me actually, as it has just occured to me that I have no photos of either of my Grandparents or my Nan for that matter.

The trip back was a blast from the past, driving in the dark now that the clocks have changed, it bringing back many memories of similar drives home in my youth, so I was quite quiet on the return trip. Dad was nice enough to swing past my house and drop me off pretty much on my doorstep, saving me a trek back across town. The pies are now in the fridge and I'm slurping a mug of coffee that has gone lukewarm (which doesn't bother me as I love coffee regardless of the temperature of the drink). It has been a good day.