Blue Eyes

So I got sent this and felt... what the hell, worth a try. I mean it can't hurt, even if the following passage doesn't really describe me at all aside from the colour of my eyes.

People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They are very satisfying and love to please. Are straight up WARRIORS when necessary. If you repost this and you have blue eyes you will have the best kiss sometime in the next 5 days

T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas

Thought I would post an amusing modern version of this classic poem. Hope you enjoy it, I know it made me laugh.

T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram",
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm",
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"

I Won The Lottery... Again!

Yay another lotery win, I must be the luckiest man alive. No need to have a job, as I win the lottery a couple times a week and essentially have an income greater than that of any Premiere League footballer... *sighs* if only. Alas this is of course yet another scam email that I've been sent. I've posted it below for your reading amusement exactly as it was sent to me, typos and all. Enjoy!

Uk National Lottery Award Team
Ref: LSUK/2031/8161/07
Batch: R3/A312-59

Dear Winner,

This is to inform you that, you have won a prize money of Eight Hundred &
Fifty Two Thousand,United Kingdom Pounds(£852,000.00) for the month of
December 2007 Lottery promotion which is organized by UK NATIONAL LOTTERY
AWARD TEAM, collects all the email addresses of the people that are active
online, we only select ten people every Month as our winners through
electronic balloting System without the winner applying, we congratulate
you for being one of the people selected.

PAYMENT OF PRIZE AND CLAIM

You are to contact your Claims Agent with immediate effect to facilitate
the protocol of your winning prized before the date of Claim, Winners
Shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Center.Prize must be
claimed not later than 14 days from date of Draw Notification after the
Draw date in which Prize Was won. Any prize not claimed within this
period will be forfeited.

These are your identification numbers:
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS ATTACHED TO TICKET NUMBER 56475600545 188
WITH SERIAL NUMBER 5368/07
DREW LUCKY NUMBERS 47-14-18-23-31-45
To begin your claim please contact our licensed and accredited agent
assigned to you

MR. GRAHAM SMITH
CLAIM AGENT OFFICER
Email: uknlclaimsagent008@yahoo.co.uk
PHONE: +44 70457 72800
You are therefore advised to send the following information to the claims
agent to facilitate them and in order for them to have access in
proceeding of your winning.

1. Full Name................
2. Country..................
3. Contact Address..........
4. Telephone Number.........
5. Marital Status...........
6. Occupation...............
7. Company..................
8. Age......................
9. Sex......................

After this period will automatically void your payment. Remember to quote
your ticket number in your future correspondence. (identification on
delivery)

Congratulations!! once again.
Yours in service,
DR. TIMOTHY COLE.
(Operation Manager).

A Letter From Kaburi Yusuf

Yay!! The idiotic scammers of the world were reliable enough to provide me with yet another example of their stupidity. Have a read of what Mr. Yusuf has sent me (and likely hundreds, if not thousands of others also):

FROM MR. KABURI YUSUF
THE AUDITING MANAGER BANK OF AFRICA
OUAGADOUGOU- BURKINA FASO
Dear Friend,

I am the auditing manager of BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) Ouagadougou, BURKINA FASO,WEST AFRICA.

I am contacting you based on Trust and confidentiality that you will keep this as top secret and don't be scared or surprised, i am the auditing manager of BANK OF AFRICA and i have an opportunity to transfer the sum of US$10.5MILLION (TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATE DOLLARS)

I have the courage to look for a reliable and Honest Person who will be capable for this important business Transaction, believing that you will never let me down either now or in Future.

The owner of this account is MR RON MORRIS, a foreigner and he is the Manager Of petrol chemical service, a chemical engineer by Proffession.He died with his entire family, they were among the victims of December 25, 2003 Air-Crash Incident in Benin Republic.

Since then, The bank has made series of efforts to contact any of the relatives to claim this fund but without success, you can confirm through this website:

http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/

My Investigation as the bank auditing manager proved to me as well that his company does not know anything About this account.
I want to transfer this fund into a safe foreign account abroad and I know that this message will come to you as a surprise as we don't know ourselves before,but be sure that it is real And A Genuine business.

Hope that you will never let me down in this transaction.

At the conclusion of this business,you will be giving 40% of the total amount, 50% will be for me and 10% for any expenses the may accured during the transaction.
I looking forward to your earliest reply for more details.

Best regards
KABURI YUSUF

A Letter From Mrs. Judith Lancer

Well this is a new approach to the standard "You've won the lottery" scam I suppose, though it is still transparently obvious that is a scam. A charitable grant for educational and business development that is given out to 100 random people worldwide? Pull the other one, it's got bells on! Here for your entertainment is the letter in its entirety:

The Église catholique en France(www.cef.fr) would like to notify you that you have been chosen by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant-Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development. The Église catholique en France, established 1977 by the Multi-Million groups and now supported by the Economic Community for West African States (ECOWAS), United Nations Organization (UNO) and the European Union (EU) was conceived with the objective of human growth, educational, and community development.

In conjunction with the ECOWAS, UNO and the EU, We are giving out a
yearly donation of USD850,000.00 each to 100 lucky recipients. These specific Donations/Grants will be awarded to 100 lucky international recipients worldwide, in different categories.

Based on the random selection exercise of internet websites and millions of supermarket cash invoices worldwide, you were selected
amongst the lucky recipients to receive the award sum of
USD850,000.00 as charity donations-aid.

You are required to contact the Executive Secretary below, for
qualification documentation and processing of your claims. Please
endeavor to quote your Qualification numbers (CEF-080-2998-2996) in
all discussions.

Executive Secretary: Rev. Michael Dominique
Email: michaeldominique1@yahoo.fr


On behalf of the Board kindly, accept our warmest congratulations.

Regards,
Mrs. Judith Lancer.

Another Lottery Win

Two in one day, not bad going eh? I'm raking in the imaginary millions here!

AWARD WINNING INFORMATION PLEASE RESPOND URGENTLY.

Refrence NUMBER: LSLUK/2031/8161/07.
BATCH NUMBER: 14/011/IPD.
ticket number: 50941465206-529.


Your email address has won the sum of $1,000.000.00 (USD) only in the December 2007 microsoft electronic free email lottary. please contact the under signed for your award.

Dr.Karl Peterson.
TEL: +31-630-255-305,FAX: +31-847-516-031.
Email: netpointsbv@aol.co.uk


Best regards,

Yours Sincerely,
Mrs.Gregge Van Der Hoofd.

I Won A Hoax Lottery!

A bit of a change in the type of junkmail I'm posting here today. This is another type I get sent with some regularity, namely the scam email that claims I've won a large sum of money and all I need to do is provide some details to claim it. These emails are entirely bogus, and the people running them will try to get you to part with your money for "administrative costs" and the like. You won't of course ever actually get your suppossed prize money. So without further ado from me, here's a new mail to have a laugh at:

AWARD NOTICE
POSTCODE LOTERIJ NL.
RESULTS FOR CATEGORY "B" DRAWS
Ticket Number: NL/BC336791/HY07.

In view of the yearly sweepstake of
the above named organization held recently we are pleased to inform you
that your e-mail address attached to the above ticket Number:
NL/BC336791/HY07,Prized Number: 2941XG and Lucky number 5256JA, came up
in the first dip.This invariably means that you have emerged as the
prize winner of the sum of €1,500,000.00 Euros{One Million,Five Hundred
Thousand Euros} in the second category.
Be informed that all
participants were selected from a random computing ballot system.This
charitable sweepstake is sponsored by postcdeloterij.nl and government
parastatals.It is in your best interest and to avoid mix up of numbers
and names of any kind that we request you

keep the entire details of
your winning strictly from public notice until the process of
transferring your claims has been completed, and your funds remitted to
your account.This is part of our security protocol to avoid double
claims and unscrupulous acts by participants/ non participants of this
program.

To claim your winning,you should contact the OFFICIAL and
APPROVED paying bank here in Holland-Netherlands urgently:-

Dr.M.
Richard.
PostBank BL
www.postbank.nl
Email: mricharpostbnk@aim.com

You are also advice to furnish them with the following information:-

Your Names:-
Telephone / Fax-
Your Nationality{Your country of Origin}-
E-Ticket number-
Prize Number-
Congratulations once again from
management and staff of this company,and thanking you for being a lucky
winner of our promotions program.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Mariam Roosje -Hoo
NATIONALE POSTCODE LOTERIJ Promotion
www.postcodeloterij.nl

A Letter From Ejner Andersen

Yep, I got another one of these scam emails in the post today. Have a read of the latest idiots efforts to part me from my money! As always I've posted the letter exactly how it came to me, with typos, line breaks etc intact. Ohh yeah and to be sure he got my attention, this loser sent me the same email 3 times!

Attention,



It is with heartfelt hope that I write to seek your co-operation and assistance in the context stated below, I am Mr.Ejner Andersen, the personal assistant to the Late Mr. Richard Williams. I got your contact during my search for a reliable person I could do business with, though I do not know you but I seek to ask a favor from you as this will sincerely benefit the both of us and all parties involved.



My Late Boss was an Executive Officer of a leading Oil and Servicing Firm for 10 years and he was retired on the 28th day of September 2006. After a month, He and his entire family died on their way to a Conference in an Automobile crash on the 11th day of November 2006.



Before his death my Boss had a total sum of $10,500,000.00(USD) with a Financier House in Europe, hoping of transferring the funds to his Country {United Kingdom} after his retirement as soon as he comes back from the conference. According to the {DEED OF WILL} made be my late Boss, He wrote {DEED OF WILL} that if anything should happen to him, that I should make sure I locate any of his family members.



Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for close to a year now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased. I agree to pay you 50% of the fund as the account owner, 50% for me.



Please do provide the following information for the application processing.

1. Your full name:

2. Contact address:

3. Email:

4. Phone number for verbal communication:

5. Age (Date of Birth):

6. Occupation:

All this information will enable me write an application to the company on your behalf, and present you to the company as the real next of kin to my late Boss. All required is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this business successful. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement which will protect you from any breach of the law.



Late Richard Williams was a very good man and it is not wise for me to allow his hard earned wealth to be stolen by the greedy directors of the Company. Please note that this email is with no intent of getting you upset in anyway but just a proposal I believe will be of mutual benefit to both of us. I strongly await your urgent response for effective process.



Regards,

Ejner Andersen.

A Politically Correct Christmas Poem

Anyone who knows me well will know (or should) that I hate political correctness. It is the art of taking a good intention and twisting it into a weapon and wielding it then with fanatical zeal. It is nothing short of insane to try to make two sexes into one essentially genderless society. We humans thrive on our differences. Women fascinate and entice us Men because they are different. Men enchant and seduce Women because they find us fascinating. And so the human race continues. But these days, what started out as a well meant intention to iron out a few creases in relationships between the sexes, has become a liberal crusade to undo what makes Men and Women what they are.

So here's a poem that I grabbed from the Alter Realm Message Boards, where it was posted by my very good friend Vickie. And it's a poem that to the tune of "Twas the Night Before Christmas", points out just how crazy this era of supposed Political Corectness is.

A Politically Correct Christmas Poem

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".

To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to be careful with that word today
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...

A Letter From Peter Wong

Yay, another mail sent to me today. Have a read and a laugh at this moron's email. He can't even get his own name right!

DEAR FRIEND,

I am Mr.paul leech Executive Director of the Hang Seng
Bank Ltd, taiwan.An Iraqi named Besem Faruak,
a business man made a numbered fixed deposit of
(126,336,8299.38 hk) for 18 calendar months, this is
valued to Eigth milion United State Dollars only in
my branch.

Upon maturity several notice was sent to him, even
during the war,four years ago (2003). Again after the
war another notification was sent and
still no response came from him. We later found out
that Besem Faruak, and his family had been killed
during the war in Gunfire that hit their

home at Mukaradeeb where his personal oil well was.
After further investigation it was also discovered
that Besem Faruak,
did not declare any next of kin in his official
papers including the paper work of his bank deposit.
And he also confided in me the last time we was

at my office that no one except me knew of his
deposit in my bank. So, Eigth milion United State
Dollars is still lying
in my bank and no one will ever come forward to
claim it. What bothers me is that according to the
laws of my country

at the expiration five years six months the funds will
revert to the ownership of the hong kong Government if
nobody
applies to claim the funds.

My proposal, I am prepared to place you as the next of
kin in a position to instruct HANG SENG BANK to
release the deposit to you as the closest
surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am
prepared to share the money with you in half. That is:
I will simply nominate you as the
next of kin and have them release the deposit to
you. We share the procentange50/50.

I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released
to me, but that would have drawn a straight line in
my involvement in claiming the
deposit.I assure you that I could have the deposit
released to you within a few days.
I will simply inform the bank of the final closing
of the file relating to Besem Faruak, I will then
officially communicate with my
Bank and instruct them to release the deposit to
you. With these: all is done.

I am aware of the consequences of this
proposal.should be interested in executing this with
me;
indicate your interest by sending me the following:

1. YOUR NAME
2. YOUR RESIDENT ADDRESS
3. YOUR OCCUPATION
4. YOUR PHONE NUMBER
5. DATE OF BIRTH
6. COUNTRY OF RESIDENT

Your response with the requested information should be
sent to reach me at my personal email address below:
peterwong_4@yahoo.com.hk

I shall then provide you with more details on this
operation when I hear from you.

Sincerely,
Mr.peter wong

A Letter From Patrick W. Chan

Yes it is another in a sort of series of blog posts detailing some of the blatantly fraudulent junk mail that I routinely get sent. This one arrived in my Homail account today. Have a read and a good laugh. I know I did!

Mr. Patrick W. Chan
Email: patrickwkchan_015@yahoo.com.hk

Good Day,

I am Mr. Patrick W. Chan. Executive Director and Chief Financial Officer of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have a concealed business suggestion for you.

Our client Gen. Samir Abi Rahman who was with the Iraqi forces and also businessman made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months before the U.S and Iraqi war, with a value of Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Upon maturity several notices was sent to him, even during the war which began in 2003. Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later found out that the General along with his wife and only daughter had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it was also discovered that Gen. Samir Abi Rahman did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country at the expiration 5 years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds. Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Gen. Samir Abi Rahman so that you will be able to receive his funds.

MODALITIES:
I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful. I have an attorney that will prepare the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin to Gen. Samir Abi Rahman. After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also fill in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary approval from my country’s probate in your favor for the move of the funds to an account that will be provided by you. There is no risk involved at all in this matter, as we are going to adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents.

Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall then share in the ratio of 60% for me, 40% for you.

Should you be interested please send me your,
1, Full names,
2, private phone number,
3, current residential address,

and finally after that I shall provide you with more details of this operation.
Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,
Mr. Patrick W. Chan.

Seven Deadly Sins

I saw this survey on a Message Board that I frequent and thought that filling it out myself would make for a good blog post. So here goes:

Wrath
Who did you last get angry with?
I can't remember.

What is your weapon of choice?
Knife

Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
If they hit me first, then yes.

How about the same sex?
Yes

Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
I don't know... though it was probably my Mum.

What is your pet peeve?
Hahahahahaha.... you want the list?

Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
I keep them!

Sloth
What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't?
Clean my room

What is the latest you've ever woken up?
17 hours after I went to bed. I forget what time of day it was though.

Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?
My Doctor.

What is the last lame excuse that you made?
I forgot.

Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
Yes

How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?
2


Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
Venti White Chocolate Mocha with an added Espresso shot from Starbucks.

Are you a meat eater?
Yes

What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?
The amount my friends at University got me to drink on my 21st birthday. I had alcohol poisoning for 2 days afterwards.

Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits?
Not really.

Do you enjoy candy and sweets?
Yes

Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?
Spicy food

Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?
No

Greed
How many credit cards do you own?
None

If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?
Pay off debt, buy a house, take a loooong holiday.

Would you rather be rich or famous?
Rich

Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?
Yes

Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of?
Nothing

What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?
Beat's me!

What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life?
Die

Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
No, because for me second place would be better than where I normally finish.

Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?
Yes

Have you ever cheated to get a better score?
Yes

What did you do today that you're proud of?
Nothing

Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)?
None

How many people have seen you naked (not counting physicians, doctors, family, locker rooms, or when you were a young child)?
None

Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation?
Not that I'm aware of.

What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice?
Hair/Eyes

Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons?
No

Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
No

Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own?
Alastair's tablet laptop!

Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?
What is that?

If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be?
Eric Bana

Have you ever been cheated on?
No

Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?
Frequently

What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?
Self-Confidence

What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often?
Wrath

Do you do the least often?
Pride

Is your favorite to act on?
Sloth

Good Girls Go To Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere)

I do like this song, as it is pure Meatloaf. Loud, a bit bombastic, with a catchy tune and unforgettable lyrics. Wish I had specific memories to go with this song, but it's just a song I like.

Good Girls Go To Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere) by Meatloaf

When the wind is howling through your window pane,
it's not the only pain of the night
You're burning up in your bed, you've got a fever of love,
and there's not an antibody in sight

Hey Jenny, Jenny, why are you crying?
There's a beauty of a moon in the sky
But I guess when you've been leadin such a sheltered life,
you never lift your head and look so high

You don't have a lot
But it's all that you've got, and you can turn it into more than it seems
Just give it a shot, fantasise every movement,
and imagine every inch of your dream

No-one said it had to be real, but it's got to be something you can reach out and feel now
It ain't right, it ain't fair
Castles fall in the sand, and we fade in the air,
and the good girls go to heaven but the bad girls go everywhere
Good girls go to heaven but the bad girls go everywhere
Somebody told me so
Somebody told me, now I know
Every night in my prayer,
I'll be praying that the good girls go to heaven but the bad girls go everywhere

When the sweat is sizzling on your skin in the dark,
and you're desperate now for somewhere to turn
Every muscle in rebellion, every nerve is on edge,
and every limb has been erotic'ly burned

Hey Johnny, Johnny, why are you shaking,
when a boy should do whatever he can
You've been nothing but an angel every day of your life,
and now you wonder what it's like to be damned

You don't have a lot
But it's all that you've got, and you can turn it into more than it seems
Just give it a shot, fantasise every movement,
and imagine every inch of your dream

No-one said it had to be real, but it's got to be something you've been wanting to feel now
It ain't right, it ain't fair
Castles fall in the sand, and we fade in the air,
and the good boys go to heaven but the bad boys go everywhere
Good boys go to heaven but the bad boys go everywhere
Somebody told me so
Somebody told me, now I know
Every night in my prayer,
I'll be praying that the good boys go to heaven but the bad boys go everywhere

Every time I try and dream you,
I can't believe how hard it's been to conjure up your face and trace your body in the air
Oh the seconds go on for ever, but the thirds and the fourth ones are even better
Every time I do it just a little bit longer
Every time I dream it's just a little bit stronger, than real life

No-one said it had to be real, but it's got to be something you can reach out and feel now
It ain't right, it ain't fair
Castles fall in the sand, and we fade in the air,
and the good girls go to heaven but the bad girls go everywhere
Good girls go to heaven but the bad girls go everywhere
Somebody told me so
Somebody told me, now I know
Every night in my prayer,
I'll be praying that the good girls go to heaven but the bad girls go everywhere

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere

Arrr Mateys!

Today is September 19th, which means it be International Talk Like A Pirate Day again! In honour of this most auspicious (and ridiculous) of days, I present a couple suitably piratey video clips courtesy of that chest of buried treasures known as Youtube! Feast yer eyes on these mateys!

Shiver My Timbers by The Muppets



The Salty Dog by Floggin Molly



And in case ye be havin' troubles with talking like a pirate, then this here page might be o' some use to ye swabbies. The Talk Like A Pirate Translator!

It's Action Force..

I used to love these toys as a kid, still love the characters and such nowadays. In the States the toyline/cartoon/comic book was called G.I. Joe, but over here the line was originally made by Palitoy, not Hasbro and was named Action Force with its own storylines and everything. These eventually changed to resemble the US line, and were finally replaced wholesale by them. The reason for this post is the awesome intro sequence to the British version of the cartoon. The American version had much the same lyrics but a far slower more plodding beat to it. Nothing at all like the far more impressive and upbeat sequence we had. See for yourself!




Also I've picked today to post this, because today is the 6th anniverssary of the World Trade Center attacks. The War on Terror continues with no real end in sight, and our leaders and generals seem to have no clear vision of how to win this war. I thought it'd be nice to see a counter terrorist unit that actually does the job it's suppossed too. Even if it is a fictional one.

10 Things I Hate About You

It's not often I find a poem I like enough to post on my blog, but this one certainly qualifies. Taken from the film of the same name, a clever modern adaptation of Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew, updated to an American High School. It stars Heath Ledger as bad boy rebel Patrick Verona and the gorgeous Julia Stiles as the icy bitch Kat Stratford. I love the film and I love this poem, as Kat reads out in class near the end of the film, confessing her feelings at last, as her icy demeanour shatters. Hope you like it too:

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right, I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,

not even close…

not even a little bit…

not even at all.

86 Movies

So on the Alter Realms boards someone posted a list of 208 movies that they had gotten off a website. Apparently according to this website if you've seen over 100 of these films then you have no life. I thought it would be interesting to give it a try and as it turns out I've seen 86 of them. So officially I have a life... now all I need to do is figure out where it's hiding! Here's my results in case you're interested (the ones in bold are those I own on DVD). Give it a go and see how you score:

(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
() Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
() Starsky and Hutch
(X) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
(X) Airplane

----------7

(X) The Princess Bride
() Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy
() Napoleon Dynamite
(X) Labyrinth
() Saw
() Saw II
() Saw III
() White Noise
() White Oleander
(X) 50 First Dates
() The Princess Diaries
() The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

------------- 3

(X) Scream
(X) Scream 2
(X) Scream 3
() Scary Movie
() Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
() Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie
() American Pie 2
() American Wedding
() American Pie Band Camp
() American Pie Naked Mile

------------ 4

(X) Harry Potter 1
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
(X) Resident Evil 1
(X) Resident Evil 2
()The Wedding Singer
() Little Black Book
(X) The Village
(X) Lilo & Stitch

---------- 8

() Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
() Signs
() The Grinch
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
() White Chicks
() Butterfly Effect
() 13 Going on 30
(X) I, Robot
() Robots

------------- 1

(X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(X) Universal Soldier
(X) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
() Along Came Polly
(X) Deep Impact
(X) KingPin
() Never Been Kissed
() Meet The Parents
() Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
() Joe Dirt
(X) King Kong

-------------- 6

() The Terminal
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
() Dumber & Dumberer
(X) Final Destination
(X) Final Destination 2
() Final Destination 3
() Halloween*original*
() The Ring
() The Ring 2
() Surviving Christmas
() Flubber *Robin Williams*

--------- 3

() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
() Chicago
(X) Ghost Ship
(X) From Hell
(X) Hellboy
() Secret Window
() I Am Sam
() The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards

--------- 4

(X) The Day After Tomorrow
() Child's Play
() Seed of Chucky
() Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
() Gothika
(X) Nightmare on Elm Street
() Sixteen Candles
() Remember the Titans
() Coach Carter
() The Longest Yard
() Gridiron Gang
() The Grudge
() The Grudge 2
(X) The Mask
() Son Of The Mask

---------- 4

(X) Bad Boys
() Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
() Lucky Number Sleven
() Ocean's Eleven
() Ocean's Twelve
(X) The Bourne Identity
(X) The Bourne Supremacy
() Lone Star
() Bedazzled
(X) Predator I
(X) Predator II
(X) Alien vs. Predator
() The Fog
(X) Ice Age
() Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George

--------- 7

(X) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
(X) Darkness Falls
() Christine
(X) ET
() Children of the Corn
() My Bosses Daughter
() Maid in Manhattan
(X) War of the Worlds
() Rush Hour
() Rush Hour 2
(X) Die Hard
(X) Die Hard 2
(X) Die Hard 3
(X) Die Hard 4.0

--------- 8

(X) Transformers
(X) Cruel Intentions
(X) Old School
() The Notebook
() K-Pax
() Krippendorf's Tribe
() Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
() The 40-year-old-virgin

----------- 3

() For the Love of Baseketball
() Hostel
() Waiting for Guffman
() House of 1000 corpses
() The Devil's Rejects
() Elf
() The House of Wax
() Wrong Turn
() Legally Blonde
() Legally Blonde 2

------------- 0

() Flight Plan
() The Tuxedo
() Step Up
() Stick It
() Night Watch
(X) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(X) Shaun Of the Dead
() Willard

--------- 4

(X) Bring It On
() Bring It On Again
(X) Hulk
(X) Superman Returns
(X) Hook
(X) Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
() 28 days Later
() Orgazmo
() Phantasm
(X) WaterWorld

---------- 6

() Kill Bill vol 1
() Kill Bill vol 2
(X) Mortal Kombat
() Wolf Creek
(X) Kingdom of Heaven
() The Hills Have Eyes
() The Hills Have Eyes 2
(X) Reign of Fire
() The Last House on the Left
() Pulse
() Stay Alive

----------- 3

(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
(X) Ewoks: The Caravan of Courage
() Ewoks: The Battle For Endor

-------- 7

(X) The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
(X) The Matrix Revolutions
(X) Animatrix
() Evil Dead
(X) Evil Dead 2
() Zoolander
() Phantom of The Opera
(X) Hannibal
() Red Dragon
() Anger Management

-------6

Total all together: 86

Run With Us

For a while now a colleague at work has been trying to remember a song. The song in question is the theme tune to a classic 80's cartoon called The Raccoons. While I remember the cartoon fondly, I too was completely stumped when it came to remembering the actual theme tune. And although she has asked me several times to try and find it online, I have consistently forgotten to do so. Until today, when for some reason or other it just popped into my head to search for it. And I found it. Not only have I found the lyrics to this tune, but I found an mp3 of it for free download too (which I've grabbed). This is a really good song. Hope you like it too:

Run With Us by Lisa Lougheed

When darkness falls
Leaving shadows in the night
Don't be afraid
Wipe that fear from your eyes

The desperate love
Keeps on driving you wrong
Don't be afraid
You're not alone

You can run with us
We've got everything you need
Run with us
We are free

Co-co-co-come with us
I see passion in your eyes
Run with us

When the cold wind blows
Turn your collar to the cold
Don't be ashamed
If you need someone to hold

If you're sinking in quicksand (quicksand... quicksand...)
And its dragging you down
And you feel you're going under
We'll be around

You can run with us
We've got everything you need
Run with us
We are free

Co-co-co-come with us
I see passion in your eyes
Run with us

When you're behind closed doors
All alone by yourself
And you're longing inside
To be somebody else

You pick up the telephone
And theres no one on the line
Don't be afraid
Cos there's still time

You can run with us
We've got everything you need
Run with us
We are free

Co-co-co-come with us
I see passion in your eyes
Run with us

You can run with us
We've got everything you need
Run with us
We are free

Co-co-co-come with us
I see passion in your eyes
Run with us

I Belong to Ravenclaw

Which Hogwarts House Would You Be In?
	The Sorting Hat would put you in Ravenclaw. You are wise, perceptive, and quietly brilliant. You may not always be noticed right away, but you are widely respected for your humor and brains.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Apparently I'm Jafar... Cool!

Which Disney Villain Are You?
	You are Jafar. "How many times do I have to kill you boy?" You just want to be big and powerful... Is that so much to ask? I mean, you deserve it.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

10 Things Women Say

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only ever five minutes, if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say "You're welcome".

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying _____ YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

10. You're right: Which usually means you know you're wrong, but I am tired of fighting with you and you are being an idiot and not getting it.

Philosophy and Women

I found these quotes online and thought they'd make for a good blog post.


“It is a law of nature that women should be held under the dominance of man.” ~ Confucius (ca. 500 BC)


"Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." ~ Genesis 3:16


"A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave." ~ Aristotle (384-322 BC)


"The male is by nature superior and the female inferior; one rules and the other is ruled."
~ Aristotle: The Politics, Book I


"Men's courage is shown in commanding and women's in obeying."
~ Aristotle: The Politics, Book I


"Fortune is like a woman; if you wish to master her, you must conquer her by force. Moreover, she is more willing to be conquered by forceful men of ability than by timid cowards." ~ Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527): The Prince


"Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man, not rule and command him." ~ John Knox (1505-1572)


"The husband hath by law power and dominion over his wife, and may keep her by force, within the bounds of duty, and may beat her, but not in a violent or cruel manner." ~ Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626): Maxims of the law


"Love well, whip well." ~ Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790): Poor Richard


"Nature intended women to be our slaves. . . They are our property, we are not theirs . . . They belong to us, just as a tree which bears fruit belongs to the gardener." ~ Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)


"Woman is by nature meant to obey." ~ Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)


"You go to a woman? Do not forget your whip."
~ Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900): Thus Spoke Zarathustra, XVIII: Old and young women


"Woman is essentially a Phallus worshipper . . . permeated with a fear like that of a bird for a snake. . . It has never until now been made so clear where the bondage of women lies; it is in the sovereign, all too welcome power wielded over them by the Phallus." ~ Otto Weininger (1880-1903)


"Women, by nature, want to be dominated." ~ Jayne Mansfield (1933-1967)

To Morrow

This is one of the very best songs from The Muppet Show, performed by Muppet versions of Jim Henson, Frank Oz and Jerry Nelson. Here's the video courtesy of YouTube as well as the lyrics so you can follow the song, or try too anyway! A fun fact is that the song was on one of the best episodes of The Muppet Show, with Rita Moreno as the guest star, and she did a great rendition of Fever, with Animal! In fact, her appearance won her an Emmy, making her the only performer in history (at that time) to have won a Tony, a Grammy, an Emmy, and an Oscar.



To Morrow by Jim Henson & The Muppet Travellers

TRAVELLER (Jim Henson):
I started on a journey just about a year ago,
To a little town called "Morrow" in the state of Ohio
I'd never been much of a traveller and I really didn't know,
That Morrow was the hardest place I'd ever try to go.

So I went down to the station for my ticket and applied
For tips regarding Morrow not expecting to be guide
Said I, "My friend, I'd like to go to Morrow and return,
No later than tomorrow for I haven't time to burn."

Said he to me,

CLERK (Jerry Nelson):
Now let me see if I have heard you right
You'd like to go to Morrow and return tomorrow night
You should have gone to Morrow yesterday and back today,
For the train that goes to Morrow is a mile upon its way
If you had gone to Morrow yesterday now don't you see,
You could have gone to Morrow and returned today at 3
For the train today to Morrow if the schedule is right,
Today it gets to Morrow and returns tomorrow night.

TRAVELLER:
Said I, "I'd like to go to Morrow so can I go today,
And get to Morrow by tonight if there is no delay?"

CLERK:
"Well, well," I said to him, and I've got no more to say,
"Can you get anywhere tomorrow and get back again today?"

TRAVELLER:
Said I, "I guess you know it all, but kindly let me say,
How can I get to Morrow if I leave this town today?"
Said he,

CLERK:
You can not go to Morrow anymore today,
For the train that goes to Morrow is a mile upon its way.

TRAVELLER:
I was so disappointed, I was mad enough to swear
The train had gone to Morrow and it left me standing there
The man was right in telling me,

CLERK:
You are a howling jay
You cannot go to Morrow...

TRAVELLER:
Well I guess in town I'll stay.

FIDDLER (Frank Oz):
I don't get it.

You and I and George

I adore this song/sketch featuring Rowlf, who is arguably my favourite of the Muppets. Rather than post the lyrics, I've decided to post the link to the video of the song, which has been posted on YouTube. Enjoy!

You Know My Name

I love this song! Such a powerful theme tune and perfectly suited to James Bond. Playing over the opening credits of Casino Royale, this rock track let the audience know that they were in for a hell of a ride, and the film did not disapoint. I've yet to listen to any other tracks by Chris Cornell, though I likely will before long to see what else he has done. This is a song that I play often.

You Know My Name by Chris Cornell

If you take a life, do you know what you'll give
Odds are, you won't like what it is
When the storm arrives, would you be seen with me
By the merciless eyes I've deceived

I've seen angels fall from blinding heights
But you yourself are nothing so divine
Just next in line

Arm yourself because no-one else here will save you
The odds will betray you
And I will replace you
You can't deny the prize; it may never fulfill you
It longs to kill you
Are you willing to die

The coldest blood runs through my veins
You know my name

If you come inside, things will not be the same
When you return to my night
If you think you've won
You never saw me change
The game that we have been playing

I've seen diamonds cut through harder men
Than you yourself
but if you must pretend
You may meet your end

Arm yourself because no-one else here will save you
The odds will betray you
And I will replace you
You can't deny the prize; it may never fulfill you
It longs to kill you
Are you willing to die

The coldest blood runs through my veins

Try to hide your hand
Forget how to feel
(Forget how to feel)
Life is gone with just a spin of the wheel
(A spin of the wheel)

Arm yourself because no-one else here will save you
The odds will betray you
And I will replace you
You can't deny the prize; it may never fulfill you
It longs to kill you
Are you willing to die

The coldest blood runs through my veins
You know my name
(You know my name)
You know my name
(You know my name)
you know my name!
You know my name!
You know my name!

Bork! Bork! Bork!

You Are the Swedish Chef

"Bork! Bork! Bork!" Your happy and energetic - with borderline manic tendencies. No one really gets you. And frankly, you don't even get you. But, you sure can whip up a great chocolate mousse

The Muppet Personality Test

All Too True

I had to post this sign that I just found on the net, as it is so very appropriate for the house I live in and share with my two good friends Tony and Gareth. Check this out:

A Letter From Ramadan Abdu

I thought I'd post an example of the junk mail I get sent. Sure enough, every week, pretty much without fail I get a mail which reads something like this one that arrived in my junk mail folder today. Have a read of this:

FROM THE DESK OF DR. RAMADAN ABDU,
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER,
AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK
OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASO.
TEL:00226-78-81-04-32

Good day,

I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance departmentof African Development bank (ADB). I came to know you in my private search for a reliable and reputable person to handle this Confidential Transaction,which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to a foreign account requiring maximum confidence.

An investor (our costumer)who died without naming a next of kin to his fund in my bank.The amount in question is a about $30.M(thirty million US dollars) and banking regulation/legislation in Burkina Faso demand that I notify the fiscal authorities after a statutory time.The above set of facts underscores my reason of writing and making the following proposing to present you as the next of kin.you can view the site for more details: (news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm)


I have all the legal and Banking details of our deceased client that will facilitate our putting you forward as the claimant/beneficiary of the funds and ultimately transfer the money to any bank account nominated by you.I am prepared to compensate you with a 30% share of the total funds for your efforts.10 % will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60 % would be for me and my colleagues. Please contact me immediately whether or not you are interested in this deal.If you are not,it will enable me scout for another foreign partner to carry out this deal.But where you are interested, contact me through my email address for more details as time is of the essence in this business.

You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter.

Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Ramadan Abdu,
Bill and exchange manager,
African Development bank ADB

I've literally just copy/pasted this in here, word for word, complete with all the typos and such. Quite why anyone would fall for a letter like this I don't know. It is so obviously fake and a set up for a scam. I have to wonder, just how many other people got this letter today.

Ruler Of Mars

You Should Rule Mars

Mars is a planet that shines brightly and loops wildly around the solar system. You are perfect to rule Mars, because you are both energetic and independent. Like Mars, you seems attractive and bright to others - but you're difficult to pin down. You are a great thinker, but you only think in the present and ignore the future. Full of enthusiasm and inspiration, you are into your own thing... and rather insensitive to others.

What Planet Should You Rule?

Drunken Ramblings

So I'm a bit drunk right now. A bottle of Chilean Merlot Rose wine is the culprit that's gotten me into this state and very nice it was too. I've been drinking it over the past few hours whilst watching episodes from the tail end of season 3 of Battlestar Galactica. Just got 2 left to watch at the time of writing... no that's not right, typing this post to my blog. And I'll watch those in a bit. As well as munch on another Magnum ice cream. I've eaten two tonight, but I bought 6 of them earlier, so I'm not about to run out anytime soon.

Got a wicked chocolate craving that choc ices just cannot sate. Time to get dressed (I'm dressed now, but in lounge about the house clothes you know) and head to the 24 hour Tesco supermarket to raid their confectionary dept I think.

One More Lonely Night

So I'm sat here drinking a pint of Jim Beam and cola and feeling just a bit sorry for myself. I shouldn't be, after all I've had a pretty good day. I had the day off work, and so I slept in late. I spent the latter part of the morning and early afternoon engaged in an enjoyable roleplay session online with noeva (one of the kajirae in my Slaver House chatroom). I then cycled to the cinema and watched Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, which if you've not seen it, is well worth going to see. And if you do go to see it, stay until after the credits to see the final ending for at least two of the series characters. Very worthwhile waiting to do so, and you'll get to hear the fantastic music as you do so.

The day went wrong I think when I decided to go out tonight. I went first to Henry's pub which was boring, and then on to Subway to get something to eat. There I had the misfortune to run into the fucking moron who works in the same store as me named Thomas. Honestly the man is a walking argument for infanticide. He should have been shot at birth! So I ate my 6" sub whilst listeing to his insane drivel in the background, leaving as soon as he noticed me and started trying to talk to me.

I headed to the Market House pub which was busy but not packed. Saturday night used to be 80's night, but now seems to be "the DJ plays whatever he wants too" night. Which is a shame, 80's night was usually good, tonight... not so much. Leaving there after a couple drinks, I headed to Yate's Wine Bar as I knew my friends Derek Adams and Tony Searle were going there as tonight was the final of the local Battle of the Bands. It cost 5 pounds to get in. I should have saved my money and come home. As it was I stayed for one drink, whilst listening to the band slaughter their way through a couple "songs". If they got to the regional final I shudder to think on how bad the groups that didn't make it were!

So I'm sat here now, typing this blog entry, which is a rarity in itself, as of late I've largely lost interest in this outlet. I think I would have been better off having stayed home tonight and saved myself the money I spent on food, drinks and door fees. I'll never meet anyone staying indoors though, but then I never meet anyone when I go out. I'm too shy to approach any woman I like, and no woman ever gives me so much as a second glance.

What Men Say (And What We Mean!)

Okay so I've shamelessly stolen this article from a message board that I frequent, but I don't care cos it's really funny.

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner had great tits."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK"
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

Englishman In New York

I LOVE this song! I'm not an Englishman (I'm Welsh) and I have no great desire to visit New York in my lifetime. Nor do I have any great memories or introspective thoughts that I associate with this tune, but something about it just grabs me. Hope you like it too.

Englishman In New York by Sting

I don't drink coffee I take tea my dear
I like my toast done on one side
And you can hear it in my accent when I talk
I'm an Englishman in New York

See me walking down Fifth Avenue
A walking cane here at my side
I take it everywhere I walk
I'm an Englishman in New York

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York

If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York

Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle's brighter than the sun

Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run

If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York
I'm an alien I'm a legal alien
I'm an Englishman in New York

Consolidation

Anyone who knows me will know that I have had debts now for a long time. These are entirely my own fault, apart from the excessive fees that my bank has hit me with time and time again which have added to the amount owed. Over time this debt has slowly increased, despite my best efforts to reduce it, as without fail any time I got close to getting it under control, some huge expense or other would rear its ugly head and swallow my attempts.

No longer. As of last night I now have 1 debt to 1 creditor, having finally consolidated them all (apart from the Studet Loan that is which really doesn't count, as I'm not earning anywhere near the amount I would need to to have to begin repayments on it).SoI now owe £13,200 to Egg Bank, in the form of a single loan. This will be paid off in monthly installments of £204 for the next 84 months, or 7 years to put it another way.

While that is a long time, I at last have the peace of mind of knowing that the debt will be cleared at the end of that time. As oppossed to the credit card I just scrapped, where my monthly repayments were merely servicing the interest, and which would have taken nearly 30 years to pay off according to the woman I got all this sorted out with on the phone last night. Also, the loan is arranged in such a way, that I can make extra payments to it, should I have the money to do so.

Which brings me back to the fees the bank has been charging me. According to the law, those fees are illegal and thus the money can be claimed back from the bank. To the best of my knowledge, my bank owes me somewhere in the region of £6000 from the last 6 years of such fees. I intend to claim it back and use that money to pay off a big chunk of the loan early. Also there are the boxes of stuff under my bed to sell on ebay, another source of money to pour into getting that debt cleared a hell of a lot sooner than 2014.

More Signs

Presenting another batch of alternative "inspirational" photo/posters that better sum up the experience of working at a Morrisons supermarket, than the far more flattering ones displayed in the staff areas where I work manage to do.

Signs

This post is really for those who read this blog and like me have to suffer the daily grind of working at a Morrisons supermarket. One of the many things that frankly annoys me about my workplace is the series of framed pictures on the walls of the staff area, each with a slogan like Achievement or Teamwork etc. I've always found them to be somewhat condescending. So here are a bunch of signs that I feel better sum up the experience of working for Morrisons. Enjoy!

Run To You

This is a fairly unusual song (to my mind anyway) as the lyrics pretty much celebrate adultery, or at least infidelity. As someone who has never really had a partner and thus would cherish a woman in my life, the actual meaning of the song is pretty repellant to me. Still, morals aside, the song has a kicking rythmn and is one of my favourite of Bryan Adams many tunes. I try not to let a songs message get in the way of me enjoying the tune where possible.

Run To You by Bryan Adams

She says her love for me could never die
But that'd change if she ever found out about you and I
Oh - but her love is cold
It wouldn't hurt her if she didn't know, 'cause...
When it gets too much
I need to feel your touch

I'm gonna run to you
I'm gonna run to you
Cause when the feelin's right I'm gonna run all night
I'm gonna run to you

She's got a heart of gold she'd never let me down
But you're the one that always turns me on
You keep me comin' 'round
I know her love is true
But it's so damn easy makin' love to you
I got my mind made up
I need to feel your touch

I'm gonna run to you
I'm gonna run to you
Cause when the feelin's right I'm gonna run all night
I'm gonna run to you

I'm gonna run to you
I'm gonna run to you
Cause when the feelin's right I'm gonna run all night
I'm gonna run to you

Happy Birthday To Me

Or at least it would be if I were writing this up a couple hours from now having just woken up. No such luck. I woke up an hour ago and have been completely unable to get back to sleep since. So I'm sat here in my dressing gown making the best of a bad thing by writing this, in the hope that staring at my keyboard and computer screen will make me tired enough to be able to grab that couple more hours of kip.

I turn 31 today, officially at about 4:10pm I'm told. Whereas last year I had a quiet day at home and a meal in the evening with my parents, brother and best friends, this year I have a considerably more packed day ahead. I say I, but I should really be saying We, as for the past few years, I have shared my birthdays actitivites with my housemate & best friend Tony Searle, as today is also his birthday (he turns 32 today).

This morning I have promised to spend a couple hours roleplaying in MSN with my good friend Cheryl Fredericks, who lives in New Zealand. I've been talking and roleplaying with her online for something like two and a half years now give or take. I left the last roleplay session we did on a bit of a cliffhanger and she's been nagging me (nicely though) to put her out of her misery and resolve it, so 8:00am-10:00am today are set aside for that.

At 11:00-11:30am Tony and I will be taking his motorbike down to the Riverside Park on the outskirts of the town and heading to the Pizza Hut there for lunch. Yesterday after mentioning our plans for the day to a couple friends in the Bakery dept where I work, I invited them along, so we might well meet up with our friends Richard Adams, James Whitfield and Dan Shapter (who I asked Richard to pass the message along too). Which would be great, though if it is just the pair of us, well that's good too.

After lunch we will be heading to the Odeon cinema a short distance away and there watching the 1:10pm showing of Night At The Museum, followed by the 4:00pm showing of Employee Of The Month. Tony did want to see Eragon (which I've already seen but would happily have sat through another showing of), but it turns out that the Odeon stopped showing it as of last Friday, so we are going with a complete comedy line up today. Very much looking forward to seeing both those films, especially Employee as it is a comedy set in a supermarket, which is where I work afterall.

Employee should finish at around about 6:00pm, so from there we'll likely trek to the McDonalds Drive Thru for dinner. I say trek, but I mean stroll as it's just across the car park from the Odeon. And from there to the Hollywood Bowl (across another car park) and to the bar and arcades inside. I'm keen to have a go on Time Crisis 4 which I've not played before, but I've loved playing all 3Time Crisis games in the series before it. There we will be meeting up with several more members of the Bakery dept, as the Bakery are having our first attempt at a dept social outing. Two games of 10 pin bowling, plus drinks, chat and some healthy competition should be a nice way to round out the day.

I imagine we'll get back here for about 9:30pm where I have the bottle of 50% proof Smirnoff Blue Label vodka in the freezer waiting for me. Enjoyed a glass of that with icecubes and Clementine Juice (it was on Buy One Get One Free in work and I was curious as to what it was like) last night and it was superb. All in all I think I'm going to enjoy myself today.

The Harpy

I only just found this poem, thanks in part to a good friend of mine and a slight case of mistaken identity. See my friend has for some time now gone by the callsign The Harpy on message boards and such, only recently retiring that name. So when one of the moderators on Alter Realm added The Harpy to their tags (along with a line from this poem), many people (including myself) thought that it was my friend and were surprised to see that she had been made a Mod. This prompted her to start a thread on the board to explain that it wasn't her, and the Mod in question posted this poem there, by way of explanation of why they had taken the name.

And now I'm posting it here because it is a good poem and I don't find that many that I like. Hope you like it too.

The Harpy by Robert Service


There was a woman, and she was wise; woefully wise was she;
She was old, so old, yet her years all told were but a score and three;
And she knew by heart, from finish to start, the Book of Iniquity.

There is no hope for such as I on earth, nor yet in Heaven;
Unloved I live, unloved I die, unpitied, unforgiven;
A loathed jade, I ply my trade, unhallowed and unshriven.

I paint my cheeks, for they are white, and cheeks of chalk men hate;
Mine eyes with wine I make them shine, that man may seek and sate;
With overhead a lamp of red I sit me down and wait

Until they come, the nightly scum, with drunken eyes aflame;
Your sweethearts, sons, ye scornful ones -- 'tis I who know their shame.
The gods, ye see, are brutes to me -- and so I play my game.

For life is not the thing we thought, and not the thing we plan;
And Woman in a bitter world must do the best she can --
Must yield the stroke, and bear the yoke, and serve the will of man;

Must serve his need and ever feed the flame of his desire,
Though be she loved for love alone, or be she loved for hire;
For every man since life began is tainted with the mire.

And though you know he love you so and set you on love's throne;
Yet let your eyes but mock his sighs, and let your heart be stone,
Lest you be left (as I was left) attainted and alone.

From love's close kiss to hell's abyss is one sheer flight, I trow,
And wedding ring and bridal bell are will-o'-wisps of woe,
And 'tis not wise to love too well, and this all women know.
Wherefore, the wolf-pack having gorged upon the lamb, their prey,
With siren smile and serpent guile I make the wolf-pack pay --
With velvet paws and flensing claws, a tigress roused to slay.

One who in youth sought truest truth and found a devil's lies;
A symbol of the sin of man, a human sacrifice.
Yet shall I blame on man the shame? Could it be otherwise?

Was I not born to walk in scorn where others walk in pride?
The Maker marred, and, evil-starred, I drift upon His tide;
And He alone shall judge His own, so I His judgment bide.

Fate has written a tragedy; its name is "The Human Heart".
The Theatre is the House of Life, Woman the mummer's part;
The Devil enters the prompter's box and the play is ready to start.