This is an updated version of the entry "Never Been Kissed", as I felt it useful to post a more current version of that confessional entry.
The title refers to, well probably my worst kept secret. I just turned thirty three years old on January 16th. And I've never been kissed. Okay that's not strictly true, I mean my Mum's kissed me, relatives have kissed me, heck a bully named Steven Woodland at school kissed me, simply to get a laugh from everyone else. But a romantic kiss? A passionate kiss? A drunken "You'll do, c'mere" kiss? None of the above. Not even a good luck kiss, a Happy New Year kiss, or a "Ohhh mistletoe" kiss.
Is that a great secret? Maybe, maybe not. So lets not stop there, while I'm baring my soul, let's go for broke. It really isn't that big a step anyway. I mean it doesn't take a genius to figure out that if I've never kissed a girl... I've never gotten any further with one either. So I'm the V word. In a purity test I normally rate in the high 90's percentage wise.
So do I feel like less of a man because I've not scored, pulled, carved a notch in a bedpost etc? I'm honestly not sure. I know back when I was in University in my early twenties, then yeah, I regarded still being a virgin as this great failing on my part. But now?
I think part of the reason why I don't feel that way anymore, is that I have nothing to compare the experience too. If I'd had the kissing, the hugs, the cuddles etc then yeah, I'd be stoked for what comes next. But I've never had any of that, the best time I've ever had with a woman, was a couple hours spent snuggled up on the sofa with my ex-girlfriend Dana watching cartoons. And as much as I'm curious as to what a kiss is like, I'm scared too. Women can be a pretty unforgiving lot, us blokes don't often get a second chance to impress, and being labelled a bad kisser (or bad in bed) is a hard tag to get past for even a young guy.
I'm getting older and I'm not getting any better looking (at least I don't think so anyway). Perhaps on some cosmic level it all makes sense. I mean all things have an equal and opposite according to Newton's Law anyway. So for all those guys out there who ooze charisma and have women throwing themselves (and various items of their clothing) at them, I guess there have to exist guys like me to balance things out.
This is not to say that I am happy being one of these cosmic balancing acts. Being the nice guy who always finishes last frankly sucks. But try as I might to change things and improve my lot in life, it just never works out. Life it seems has a role for me to play and no matter what I do, it seems that I'm doomed to fill it. Were it not for a promise I stupidly made years ago I would have killed myself by now. I certainly tried a few times to do just that before making it.
More than anything in the world I want someone to share life with, a partner to live, laugh and love with. And I'm so fucking sick and tired of the platitudes people spout to try and cheer me up. Bullshit like "It'll happen when you least expect it" and "There's someone out there for you". Three times now I've fallen in love. Three times now I've had my heart broken.
There is a limit to how much pain anyone can take and I'm at my limit. I can't take the pain, the misery, and most of all the crushing loneliness anymore. I want out. And every day that goes by, that promise holds less and less hold over me. I've never broken my word if it is freely given... first time for everything!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
A Letter From Mrs. Mugabe
I've not posted on my blog in a few months now, because nothing much has happened really. Fell for a girl, she wasn't into me, got a bit older, kinda tidied up by debts and frankly that's about it. Ohh and I got a Wii for Xmas which is pretty good fun. However today this letter arrived in my junk mail folder and I just had to post it. Yes it is another scam, but it's really quite an inventive one. Actually I'd love it if this wasn't a scam and was a genuine plea for aid by the real Mrs Mugabe, because if so it would be great if her evil husbands minions found this post and she got caught. I have no sympathy for a woman who is happy to waste millions on designer clothes while her country starves to death and suffers an epidemic outbreak of cholera.
Below, in full, unedited, is the letter I received:
Good day,
I know that this mail might come to you as a surprise as we have not met before,My name is Mrs. Grace Mugabe, the wife of Mr. Robert Mugabe the president of Zimbabwe i got your contact through Zimbabwe chambers of commerce and industry. Our country is currently facing international sanction all over the world and my effort to so speak peace into my husband(President Robert Mugabe) prove abortive because he already have a wrong notion towards the western nations intention over his removal plan and his state when he lives office.
As you know the country(Zimbabwe) is presently facing a strong epidemic and a high inflation and the pressure from the international communities to bring to bring down the regime of my husband(president Robert Mugabe) is a sure reality and when this happens i and my children might also go down with him.As the first lady of our country i have been able to use my position to raise some money from contracts which i deposited with a European diplomatic security company the sum of US$35M(Thirty Five Million US Dollars) knowing fully that our government will soon be brought down by international communities as Africa Union are beginning to take side with the international communities because of the manner at which things are degenerating in Zimbabwe.
I contacting you because I want you to go to the security company and claim the money on my behalf since I have declared that the consignment belong to my foreign business partner. You shall also be required to assist me in investment in your country.
I hope to trust you as a God fearing person who will not sit on this money when you claim it, rather assist me properly, I expect you to declare what percentage of the total money you will take for your assistance. When I receive your positive response I will let you know where the security company is,the requirement and the payment pin code to claim the money which is very important.
I shall keep you updated and also instruct one of my loyalist to always keep you updated whenever my schedule is tight as i don't want my husband to know about this deposit and my proposal because my life might be in danger as you all know his kind of person.All this i am doing to assist my children as i know very soon when our regime is brought down our entire property will be confiscated along.I ask you to also pray for me to survive the internal threat i am experiencing from my husband President Robert Mugabe because as i am sending you this urgent proposal tears flow from my eyes as i am living with a human monster.
For now, let all our communication be by e-mail because My husband security network is monitoring all activities sparing no body including my humble self his wife and other family member as he do not trust any one especially this period.
Thank you and God bless you and family and please contact me through this email. Private email: gracmugabe@aol.com
MRS. GRACE MUGABE.
Below, in full, unedited, is the letter I received:
Good day,
I know that this mail might come to you as a surprise as we have not met before,My name is Mrs. Grace Mugabe, the wife of Mr. Robert Mugabe the president of Zimbabwe i got your contact through Zimbabwe chambers of commerce and industry. Our country is currently facing international sanction all over the world and my effort to so speak peace into my husband(President Robert Mugabe) prove abortive because he already have a wrong notion towards the western nations intention over his removal plan and his state when he lives office.
As you know the country(Zimbabwe) is presently facing a strong epidemic and a high inflation and the pressure from the international communities to bring to bring down the regime of my husband(president Robert Mugabe) is a sure reality and when this happens i and my children might also go down with him.As the first lady of our country i have been able to use my position to raise some money from contracts which i deposited with a European diplomatic security company the sum of US$35M(Thirty Five Million US Dollars) knowing fully that our government will soon be brought down by international communities as Africa Union are beginning to take side with the international communities because of the manner at which things are degenerating in Zimbabwe.
I contacting you because I want you to go to the security company and claim the money on my behalf since I have declared that the consignment belong to my foreign business partner. You shall also be required to assist me in investment in your country.
I hope to trust you as a God fearing person who will not sit on this money when you claim it, rather assist me properly, I expect you to declare what percentage of the total money you will take for your assistance. When I receive your positive response I will let you know where the security company is,the requirement and the payment pin code to claim the money which is very important.
I shall keep you updated and also instruct one of my loyalist to always keep you updated whenever my schedule is tight as i don't want my husband to know about this deposit and my proposal because my life might be in danger as you all know his kind of person.All this i am doing to assist my children as i know very soon when our regime is brought down our entire property will be confiscated along.I ask you to also pray for me to survive the internal threat i am experiencing from my husband President Robert Mugabe because as i am sending you this urgent proposal tears flow from my eyes as i am living with a human monster.
For now, let all our communication be by e-mail because My husband security network is monitoring all activities sparing no body including my humble self his wife and other family member as he do not trust any one especially this period.
Thank you and God bless you and family and please contact me through this email. Private email: gracmugabe@aol.com
MRS. GRACE MUGABE.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Another Day, Another Scam
This one is pretty typical really and to be honest the only reason I'm even posting it on here, is because it specifically asks me to keep the mail confidential. I see no reason to help a con artist out, so here's the phishing email I got in my Junk Mail folder today:
Attention,
I do apologise for intruding into your privacy, do kindly permit me to introduce myself. I am Ejner Andersen, a staff with Rand Merchant Bank (RMB) South Africa. I have taken time out to source the right individual, which is your humble self. I possess valuable and classified information of great interest which i wish to share with you.
I also need to ascertain your dispositions towards receiving and utilising information from me that guarantees you being legally acknowledged as the sole surviving relative of an investor (name with-held) who died in Korean Air Line, flight number801 on 6th of August 1997 without naming a next of kin to his fund in my bank. And for your perusal you can view this site:
http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/9708/06/guam.passenger.list
I would want you to understand that this is a DEAL.
I have all the legal and banking details of the deceased client that will facilitate putting you forward as the claimant/beneficiary of the funds and ultimately transfer of the Inheritance.
Consequently, my proposal is that i will like you as a Foreigner to stand in as the next of kin of the funds deposited in my bank. I am writing you because since am a public servant, i cannot operate a foreign account.
Contact me with your full legal names and contact telephone number for further verbal correspondence.
You must maintain a great deal of confidentiality towards this endeavour.
I await your urgent response.
Thanks and my regards.
Mr.Ejner Andersen
NOTE: If however, you are not disposed to assist, kindly delete/destroy this email in view of the confidentiality of the proposed transaction and interest of personalities involved.
Attention,
I do apologise for intruding into your privacy, do kindly permit me to introduce myself. I am Ejner Andersen, a staff with Rand Merchant Bank (RMB) South Africa. I have taken time out to source the right individual, which is your humble self. I possess valuable and classified information of great interest which i wish to share with you.
I also need to ascertain your dispositions towards receiving and utilising information from me that guarantees you being legally acknowledged as the sole surviving relative of an investor (name with-held) who died in Korean Air Line, flight number801 on 6th of August 1997 without naming a next of kin to his fund in my bank. And for your perusal you can view this site:
http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/9708/06/guam.passenger.list
I would want you to understand that this is a DEAL.
I have all the legal and banking details of the deceased client that will facilitate putting you forward as the claimant/beneficiary of the funds and ultimately transfer of the Inheritance.
Consequently, my proposal is that i will like you as a Foreigner to stand in as the next of kin of the funds deposited in my bank. I am writing you because since am a public servant, i cannot operate a foreign account.
Contact me with your full legal names and contact telephone number for further verbal correspondence.
You must maintain a great deal of confidentiality towards this endeavour.
I await your urgent response.
Thanks and my regards.
Mr.Ejner Andersen
NOTE: If however, you are not disposed to assist, kindly delete/destroy this email in view of the confidentiality of the proposed transaction and interest of personalities involved.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Living Daylights
While there are 21 (soon to be 22) James Bond movies of the official series (the number rises to 24/25 if you count in the unofficial movies of Never Say Never Again and the original Casino Royale), my favourite would have to be the 1st of Timothy Dalton's two outings as 007. Not just for the plot, which while convoluted (and not helped by the slightly comedic villains) is still quite a believeable premise, but also for Dalton's hard edged take on Bond himself, which would only be bettered by Daniel Craig's version years later. Of course another good reason for my love of the film is the awesome theme song by A-ha, one of my favourite of all the many Bond theme songs (and there are so many to choose from!).
The Living Daylights by A-ha
Hey driver, where're we going?
I swear my nerves are showing
Set my hopes up way too high
living's in the way we die.
Comes the morning and the headlights fade in rain
Of hundred thousand people
I'm the one they frame.
I've been waiting long for one of us to say:
Save the darkness
let it never fade away -
In the living daylights
in the living daylights.
Alright
hold on tight now
it's down
down to the wire
Set your hopes up way too high
living's in the way we die.
Comes the morning and the headlights fade away
Hundred thousand changes
everything's the same.
I've been waiting long for one of us to say:
Save the darkness
let it never fade away -
In the living daylights
living daylights
living daylights.
Comes the morning and the headlights fade away
Hundred thousand people
I'm the one they frame
In the living daylights
in the living daylights.
Living daylights
- set your hopes up way too high
Living daylights
- living's in the way we die -
Living daylights
- set your hopes up way too high -
Living daylights
- living's in the way we die -
The Living Daylights by A-ha
Hey driver, where're we going?
I swear my nerves are showing
Set my hopes up way too high
living's in the way we die.
Comes the morning and the headlights fade in rain
Of hundred thousand people
I'm the one they frame.
I've been waiting long for one of us to say:
Save the darkness
let it never fade away -
In the living daylights
in the living daylights.
Alright
hold on tight now
it's down
down to the wire
Set your hopes up way too high
living's in the way we die.
Comes the morning and the headlights fade away
Hundred thousand changes
everything's the same.
I've been waiting long for one of us to say:
Save the darkness
let it never fade away -
In the living daylights
living daylights
living daylights.
Comes the morning and the headlights fade away
Hundred thousand people
I'm the one they frame
In the living daylights
in the living daylights.
Living daylights
- set your hopes up way too high
Living daylights
- living's in the way we die -
Living daylights
- set your hopes up way too high -
Living daylights
- living's in the way we die -
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
A Royal Flush?
Another day, another con trick arrives in my email. I've not posted one for a while as after a while they all tend to read very much the same as each other. This one though is inventive and I thought it worth adding to my online collection of pathetic scams. Have a read of this:
Hello,
I beleive i can call you friend. I am Prince Jefri Bolkiah of Brunei.I am the youngest of the Sultan's three brothers.But its like a joke being called a prince. The Bruneian royal family have turned me into an out cast. I am presently on exile in London.
My Brother the Sultan of Brunei masterminded and initiated much evil against me.He envied me as a person,he envied my life style,he was intimidated by my way of life,and thus plotted with his infidel advisers to get me arrested for noting. He leveled all forms of corruption allegations against me. He accused me of taking US$40 billion of the royal treasury's money. He labelled me a criminal and ordered for my arrest. My Brother the Sultan of Brunei did this to me his younger brother.
Yes i agree that I spent Money, but I am bewildered by the accusation that i misspent $40 billion. It's not that easy to hide, I keep asking the lawyers, Where did it go?. I have already turned over billions of dollars worth of property, including the Plaza Athénée hotel in Paris,The New York Palace Hotel, the giant yacht, the car collection, and more than 100 paintings by Picasso, Renoir, Modigliani and others. Late last year, I surrendered five rare diamonds, secured in a London vault, valued at roughly $200 million.
My Brother the Sultan, Hassanal Bolkiah, has ruled since 1967.He is the world's wealthiest ruler, with an estimated fortune of $22 billion. DESPITE HIS WEALTH, he still feels intimidated by my little Money.
I have turned over the various assets, but my brother the Sultan will not let me keep enough money to maintain a more modest version of my prior lifestyle. Now the Sultan's advisers have started legal proceedings to evict me from my London mansion. We don't know where we are going to live. They want me to give it all back, now i am worried that i may soon be homeless and forced into bankruptcy.
While in Brunei,my favorite car to drive was a Ferrari 550, a sleek sports coupe that i used to take for a spin late at night when the roads were quiet. Now, I like the Mini. I drive a black small mini around London. I am been watched by private detectives employed by my Brother the Sultan.He wants to ruin me,but he cannot.
My friend, i dont know you, but from my little snooping into your profile, i strongly feel you can be of help to me.I want you to take me as a friend in need and do something for me that will also benefit you. Right now i cannot trust any body close to me.I have been betrayed by my friends and family and I am tired of talking to lawyers. I prefer to take the Risk of solicitng the assistance of a stranger. You may think i am going crazy,but i am very sane.
I still have billions of dollars safe and secure in safe countries, but i cannot touch these funds hence they are discovered by my King Brother watching my every move like a Hawk. I need you to assist me in these financial steps of securing my entitlements. You will benefit immensely from these finanacial exercise.
I am an easy going gentleman, so please be rest assured that my business relationship with you will be very sincere and the friendship will extend to our childrens.
Yours Sincerely,
Prince Jefri Bolkiah.
Hello,
I beleive i can call you friend. I am Prince Jefri Bolkiah of Brunei.I am the youngest of the Sultan's three brothers.But its like a joke being called a prince. The Bruneian royal family have turned me into an out cast. I am presently on exile in London.
My Brother the Sultan of Brunei masterminded and initiated much evil against me.He envied me as a person,he envied my life style,he was intimidated by my way of life,and thus plotted with his infidel advisers to get me arrested for noting. He leveled all forms of corruption allegations against me. He accused me of taking US$40 billion of the royal treasury's money. He labelled me a criminal and ordered for my arrest. My Brother the Sultan of Brunei did this to me his younger brother.
Yes i agree that I spent Money, but I am bewildered by the accusation that i misspent $40 billion. It's not that easy to hide, I keep asking the lawyers, Where did it go?. I have already turned over billions of dollars worth of property, including the Plaza Athénée hotel in Paris,The New York Palace Hotel, the giant yacht, the car collection, and more than 100 paintings by Picasso, Renoir, Modigliani and others. Late last year, I surrendered five rare diamonds, secured in a London vault, valued at roughly $200 million.
My Brother the Sultan, Hassanal Bolkiah, has ruled since 1967.He is the world's wealthiest ruler, with an estimated fortune of $22 billion. DESPITE HIS WEALTH, he still feels intimidated by my little Money.
I have turned over the various assets, but my brother the Sultan will not let me keep enough money to maintain a more modest version of my prior lifestyle. Now the Sultan's advisers have started legal proceedings to evict me from my London mansion. We don't know where we are going to live. They want me to give it all back, now i am worried that i may soon be homeless and forced into bankruptcy.
While in Brunei,my favorite car to drive was a Ferrari 550, a sleek sports coupe that i used to take for a spin late at night when the roads were quiet. Now, I like the Mini. I drive a black small mini around London. I am been watched by private detectives employed by my Brother the Sultan.He wants to ruin me,but he cannot.
My friend, i dont know you, but from my little snooping into your profile, i strongly feel you can be of help to me.I want you to take me as a friend in need and do something for me that will also benefit you. Right now i cannot trust any body close to me.I have been betrayed by my friends and family and I am tired of talking to lawyers. I prefer to take the Risk of solicitng the assistance of a stranger. You may think i am going crazy,but i am very sane.
I still have billions of dollars safe and secure in safe countries, but i cannot touch these funds hence they are discovered by my King Brother watching my every move like a Hawk. I need you to assist me in these financial steps of securing my entitlements. You will benefit immensely from these finanacial exercise.
I am an easy going gentleman, so please be rest assured that my business relationship with you will be very sincere and the friendship will extend to our childrens.
Yours Sincerely,
Prince Jefri Bolkiah.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
A Charitable Con Trick
This is a new scam, well at least it is new to me anyway as I've certainly never before encountered a phishing scam email quite like this one. Myself, Gareth and Tony did get a good laugh out of reading it though. As always I have posted it exactly as I received it, typos and all. Enjoy!
Greetings,
As you read this, don't feel sorry for me, because it is the destiny of every Human being to die someday. I am Mr. Nabil Malik a naturalised Briton by birth and a business merchant presently undergoing treatment in Gibraltar.I have been diagnosed with Oesophageal cancer.
It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical Reports. I regret that I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself), but my trade. Though I am very well to do, I was never open handed; I was always hostile to people and regarded them like they never had hopes of becoming as successful as myself. Now I know that there is a lot more to life than just prosperity.
I believe that when I am given a second chance to come to this world, I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that death is eminent, I have willed and given most of my belonging to immediate and extended family members, as well as a few close friends. I want Allah to be merciful to me and accept my soul. Hence I have decided to support charity work; this is what i want to be remembered for. So far, I have been able to reach out to a few charity organizations in the Singapore, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.
I once asked members of my family to aid me in giving of alms to those organizations catering for the less Privileged in Bulgaria and Pakistan; they refused and kept the resources to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contented with what I have left for them.
The last of my belonging which no Relative knows of,is the deposit of Eight Million US dollars (US$8,000,000.00) that I have in a safe Deposit company abroad, which I will want you to secure and bestow to charity organizations.
Please endeavour to reply me via email.For your time and devotion, I have set aside a tenth of this for you.May the good lord be with you.
Mr. Nabil Malik
Sunday, May 25, 2008
A New Scam
Well new to me anyway as I've not previously had a scam email quite like this one arrive in my mailbox. It is still very obviously a scam though and clearly written ages ago (with a small update to try and keep it modern). As always when I post one of these, I post it exactly as I received it, complete with typo's and all. Check this out:
From:Mr Dennis BrokmanRE: YOUR PAYMENT NOTIFICATION
Remittance Manager
NATWEST BANK PLC
Phone Number:+44-7024013922
Email: atm.manager@gmail.com
www.natwest.com
Attention:Beneficiary
This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract
file presently on my desk, and I found out that you have not received
your payment due to your lack of co-operation and not fulfilling the
obligations giving to you in respect to your contract payment.
Secondly, you
are hereby advised to stop dealing with some non-officials in the bank
as this is an illegal act and will have to stop if you so wish to
receive your payment immediately.After the board meeting held at our
headquarters, we have resolved in finding a solution to your problem,
and as
you may know, we have arranged your payment through our SWIFT CARD
PAYMENT CENTER in Europe, America,Africa and Asia Pacific, which is
the
instruction given by our Prime Minister, Tony Blair of United Kingdom.
And
this instruction is still ask to be carried out by the new Prime
Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain Dr James Gordon Brown
MP
This card center will send you an ATM CARD which you will use to
withdraw
your money in any ATM MACHINE in any part of the world, But the
maximum
is ($21,000.00) Thousand Us Dollars per Limit. So, if you like to
receive your fund this way
(1) Full Name as wanted on Card
(2) Address where you want the payment center to send your
ATM CARD.(NO P O BOX)
(3) Phone And Fax Number
(4) Date Of Birth
(5) Occupation
SEND THE ABOVE INFORMATION TO : atm.manager@gmail.com
We shall be expecting to receive your information you have stop any
further communication with anybody or office. On this regards, do not
hesitate to contact me for more details and direction, and also please
do
update me with any new development.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Best Regards,
Mr Dennis Brokman
Remittance Manager
NATWEST BANK PLC
Note: Because of impostors, we hereby issue you with a private code for security, Your code shall be (CARD 4654:2008) Make this code your reference number when contacting us.Failure to do so might cause delay in getting back to you.
What's really funny about this is that I'm not even with Natwest Bank!
From:Mr Dennis BrokmanRE: YOUR PAYMENT NOTIFICATION
Remittance Manager
NATWEST BANK PLC
Phone Number:+44-7024013922
Email: atm.manager@gmail.com
www.natwest.com
Attention:Beneficiary
This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract
file presently on my desk, and I found out that you have not received
your payment due to your lack of co-operation and not fulfilling the
obligations giving to you in respect to your contract payment.
Secondly, you
are hereby advised to stop dealing with some non-officials in the bank
as this is an illegal act and will have to stop if you so wish to
receive your payment immediately.After the board meeting held at our
headquarters, we have resolved in finding a solution to your problem,
and as
you may know, we have arranged your payment through our SWIFT CARD
PAYMENT CENTER in Europe, America,Africa and Asia Pacific, which is
the
instruction given by our Prime Minister, Tony Blair of United Kingdom.
And
this instruction is still ask to be carried out by the new Prime
Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain Dr James Gordon Brown
MP
This card center will send you an ATM CARD which you will use to
withdraw
your money in any ATM MACHINE in any part of the world, But the
maximum
is ($21,000.00) Thousand Us Dollars per Limit. So, if you like to
receive your fund this way
(1) Full Name as wanted on Card
(2) Address where you want the payment center to send your
ATM CARD.(NO P O BOX)
(3) Phone And Fax Number
(4) Date Of Birth
(5) Occupation
SEND THE ABOVE INFORMATION TO : atm.manager@gmail.com
We shall be expecting to receive your information you have stop any
further communication with anybody or office. On this regards, do not
hesitate to contact me for more details and direction, and also please
do
update me with any new development.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Best Regards,
Mr Dennis Brokman
Remittance Manager
NATWEST BANK PLC
Note: Because of impostors, we hereby issue you with a private code for security, Your code shall be (CARD 4654:2008) Make this code your reference number when contacting us.Failure to do so might cause delay in getting back to you.
What's really funny about this is that I'm not even with Natwest Bank!
Friday, March 21, 2008
What D&D Character Am I?
I Am A: True Neutral Human Sorcerer/Rogue (2nd/2nd Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength-13
Dexterity-10
Constitution-11
Intelligence-13
Wisdom-13
Charisma-11
Alignment:
True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.
Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.
Primary Class:
Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.
Secondary Class:
Rogues have little in common with each other. While some - maybe even the majority - are stealthy thieves, many serve as scouts, spies, investigators, diplomats, and simple thugs. Rogues are versatile, adaptable, and skilled at getting what others don't want them to get. While not equal to a fighter in combat, a rogue knows how to hit where it hurts, and a sneak attack can dish out a lot of damage. Rogues also seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to avoiding danger. Experienced rogues develop nearly magical powers and skills as they master the arts of stealth, evasion, and sneak attacks. In addition, while not capable of casting spells on their own, a rogue can sometimes 'fake it' well enough to cast spells from scrolls, activate wands, and use just about any other magic item.
Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)
Ability Scores:
Strength-13
Dexterity-10
Constitution-11
Intelligence-13
Wisdom-13
Charisma-11
Alignment:
True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.
Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.
Primary Class:
Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.
Secondary Class:
Rogues have little in common with each other. While some - maybe even the majority - are stealthy thieves, many serve as scouts, spies, investigators, diplomats, and simple thugs. Rogues are versatile, adaptable, and skilled at getting what others don't want them to get. While not equal to a fighter in combat, a rogue knows how to hit where it hurts, and a sneak attack can dish out a lot of damage. Rogues also seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to avoiding danger. Experienced rogues develop nearly magical powers and skills as they master the arts of stealth, evasion, and sneak attacks. In addition, while not capable of casting spells on their own, a rogue can sometimes 'fake it' well enough to cast spells from scrolls, activate wands, and use just about any other magic item.
Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
State Of The Bob Address
So it's my birthday today. Another year of my life has passed me by without me having really achieved anything apart from grow a bit older. I tried to lose weight this year and for a time succeeded, but I'm pretty sure it's all come back home now. I certainly don't feel any slimmer anymore. I think my level of debt has decreased but not by much. Hopefully the court case that the the Office of Fair Trading began against the banks on Monday will resolve the disputed bank fees case and I can claim back the seven thousand pounds that HSBC has overcharged me over the past six years. That money would go a long way towards sorting out my life.
Despite all my efforts, I have been single all year long, and while I've had a few chats with women and even flirted a bit, nothing has come of any of it. I'm obviously hoping for better luck in the year to come, but I'm not exactly going to hold my breath on that score. No matter how optimistic I try to be about my prospects for finding a partner, something always brings reality into focus. Currently that would be my rather pitiful rating on the Hot or Not feature on my Facebook account, where after 60 votes I currently rate a dismal 3.4 out of 10! Not that that overly surprises me. I keep telling the people who tell me that I'm attractive, that if I was truly attractive, that people would be attracted to me... and nobody is!
Today will be spent the same way I've celebrated my birthday for the past few years, namely I'll be spending the day with my best friend Tony Searle (whose birthday it is also), and together we'll be grabbing lunch at Pizza Hut, followed by watching 2-3 movies back to back and then likely hitting the Hollywood Bowl for bowling and beers to round off the evening.
So that's it really, another year gone and pretty much wasted. I continue to plod on through life without any real aim or desire save to reach the end of it. Only in that sense can the past year be viewed as a sucess, as I am one year further along the path to the end of my life. Far too many more to go though it seems. Guess I'll just take them one year at a time same way everyone else does and maybe somewhere along the way I'll find a reason to wish they passed me by a bit slower than they do. But I didn't find her this year.
Despite all my efforts, I have been single all year long, and while I've had a few chats with women and even flirted a bit, nothing has come of any of it. I'm obviously hoping for better luck in the year to come, but I'm not exactly going to hold my breath on that score. No matter how optimistic I try to be about my prospects for finding a partner, something always brings reality into focus. Currently that would be my rather pitiful rating on the Hot or Not feature on my Facebook account, where after 60 votes I currently rate a dismal 3.4 out of 10! Not that that overly surprises me. I keep telling the people who tell me that I'm attractive, that if I was truly attractive, that people would be attracted to me... and nobody is!
Today will be spent the same way I've celebrated my birthday for the past few years, namely I'll be spending the day with my best friend Tony Searle (whose birthday it is also), and together we'll be grabbing lunch at Pizza Hut, followed by watching 2-3 movies back to back and then likely hitting the Hollywood Bowl for bowling and beers to round off the evening.
So that's it really, another year gone and pretty much wasted. I continue to plod on through life without any real aim or desire save to reach the end of it. Only in that sense can the past year be viewed as a sucess, as I am one year further along the path to the end of my life. Far too many more to go though it seems. Guess I'll just take them one year at a time same way everyone else does and maybe somewhere along the way I'll find a reason to wish they passed me by a bit slower than they do. But I didn't find her this year.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Sorry Lady, But I'm An Atheist!
Heh got another zany scam junk email today which I thought I'd share with the world. I have to admit, this is a novel angle that I've not encountered before. It's still really obviously a con trick though. Have a read of this:
From Mrs. Jessie castor
ENDEAVOR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.
I am the above named person from Czech Republic. I am married to Mr. Jeffery castor who worked with Czech Republic embassy in Egypt for nine years before he died in the year 2006.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christians. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 7.2 Million Dollars (seven Million two hundred thousand United State Dollars) with a Bank.
Presently, this money is still with the Bank Recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this Fund to church or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want a church that will use these funds to fund churches, orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that gives. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner.
Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank, I will also issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as the original- beneficiary of this Fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.
Hoping to hear from you.
I have set aside 20% for your assistance and for your time and 10% for any expenses if there is any. Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Jessie castor
EMAIL: cas14142@aim.com
From Mrs. Jessie castor
ENDEAVOR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.
I am the above named person from Czech Republic. I am married to Mr. Jeffery castor who worked with Czech Republic embassy in Egypt for nine years before he died in the year 2006.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christians. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 7.2 Million Dollars (seven Million two hundred thousand United State Dollars) with a Bank.
Presently, this money is still with the Bank Recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this Fund to church or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want a church that will use these funds to fund churches, orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that gives. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner.
Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank, I will also issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as the original- beneficiary of this Fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.
Hoping to hear from you.
I have set aside 20% for your assistance and for your time and 10% for any expenses if there is any. Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Jessie castor
EMAIL: cas14142@aim.com
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Blue Eyes
So I got sent this and felt... what the hell, worth a try. I mean it can't hurt, even if the following passage doesn't really describe me at all aside from the colour of my eyes.
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They are very satisfying and love to please. Are straight up WARRIORS when necessary. If you repost this and you have blue eyes you will have the best kiss sometime in the next 5 days
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They are very satisfying and love to please. Are straight up WARRIORS when necessary. If you repost this and you have blue eyes you will have the best kiss sometime in the next 5 days
Monday, December 24, 2007
T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas
Thought I would post an amusing modern version of this classic poem. Hope you enjoy it, I know it made me laugh.
T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;
"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"
The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram",
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).
He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!
With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.
He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm",
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!
He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.
The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!
He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"
T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;
"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"
The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram",
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).
He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!
With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.
He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm",
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!
He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.
The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!
He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"
Saturday, December 22, 2007
I Won The Lottery... Again!
Yay another lotery win, I must be the luckiest man alive. No need to have a job, as I win the lottery a couple times a week and essentially have an income greater than that of any Premiere League footballer... *sighs* if only. Alas this is of course yet another scam email that I've been sent. I've posted it below for your reading amusement exactly as it was sent to me, typos and all. Enjoy!
Uk National Lottery Award Team
Ref: LSUK/2031/8161/07
Batch: R3/A312-59
Dear Winner,
This is to inform you that, you have won a prize money of Eight Hundred &
Fifty Two Thousand,United Kingdom Pounds(£852,000.00) for the month of
December 2007 Lottery promotion which is organized by UK NATIONAL LOTTERY
AWARD TEAM, collects all the email addresses of the people that are active
online, we only select ten people every Month as our winners through
electronic balloting System without the winner applying, we congratulate
you for being one of the people selected.
PAYMENT OF PRIZE AND CLAIM
You are to contact your Claims Agent with immediate effect to facilitate
the protocol of your winning prized before the date of Claim, Winners
Shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Center.Prize must be
claimed not later than 14 days from date of Draw Notification after the
Draw date in which Prize Was won. Any prize not claimed within this
period will be forfeited.
These are your identification numbers:
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS ATTACHED TO TICKET NUMBER 56475600545 188
WITH SERIAL NUMBER 5368/07
DREW LUCKY NUMBERS 47-14-18-23-31-45
To begin your claim please contact our licensed and accredited agent
assigned to you
MR. GRAHAM SMITH
CLAIM AGENT OFFICER
Email: uknlclaimsagent008@yahoo.co.uk
PHONE: +44 70457 72800
You are therefore advised to send the following information to the claims
agent to facilitate them and in order for them to have access in
proceeding of your winning.
1. Full Name................
2. Country..................
3. Contact Address..........
4. Telephone Number.........
5. Marital Status...........
6. Occupation...............
7. Company..................
8. Age......................
9. Sex......................
After this period will automatically void your payment. Remember to quote
your ticket number in your future correspondence. (identification on
delivery)
Congratulations!! once again.
Yours in service,
DR. TIMOTHY COLE.
(Operation Manager).
Uk National Lottery Award Team
Ref: LSUK/2031/8161/07
Batch: R3/A312-59
Dear Winner,
This is to inform you that, you have won a prize money of Eight Hundred &
Fifty Two Thousand,United Kingdom Pounds(£852,000.00) for the month of
December 2007 Lottery promotion which is organized by UK NATIONAL LOTTERY
AWARD TEAM, collects all the email addresses of the people that are active
online, we only select ten people every Month as our winners through
electronic balloting System without the winner applying, we congratulate
you for being one of the people selected.
PAYMENT OF PRIZE AND CLAIM
You are to contact your Claims Agent with immediate effect to facilitate
the protocol of your winning prized before the date of Claim, Winners
Shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Center.Prize must be
claimed not later than 14 days from date of Draw Notification after the
Draw date in which Prize Was won. Any prize not claimed within this
period will be forfeited.
These are your identification numbers:
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS ATTACHED TO TICKET NUMBER 56475600545 188
WITH SERIAL NUMBER 5368/07
DREW LUCKY NUMBERS 47-14-18-23-31-45
To begin your claim please contact our licensed and accredited agent
assigned to you
MR. GRAHAM SMITH
CLAIM AGENT OFFICER
Email: uknlclaimsagent008@yahoo.co.uk
PHONE: +44 70457 72800
You are therefore advised to send the following information to the claims
agent to facilitate them and in order for them to have access in
proceeding of your winning.
1. Full Name................
2. Country..................
3. Contact Address..........
4. Telephone Number.........
5. Marital Status...........
6. Occupation...............
7. Company..................
8. Age......................
9. Sex......................
After this period will automatically void your payment. Remember to quote
your ticket number in your future correspondence. (identification on
delivery)
Congratulations!! once again.
Yours in service,
DR. TIMOTHY COLE.
(Operation Manager).
Sunday, December 16, 2007
A Letter From Kaburi Yusuf
Yay!! The idiotic scammers of the world were reliable enough to provide me with yet another example of their stupidity. Have a read of what Mr. Yusuf has sent me (and likely hundreds, if not thousands of others also):
FROM MR. KABURI YUSUF
THE AUDITING MANAGER BANK OF AFRICA
OUAGADOUGOU- BURKINA FASO
Dear Friend,
I am the auditing manager of BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) Ouagadougou, BURKINA FASO,WEST AFRICA.
I am contacting you based on Trust and confidentiality that you will keep this as top secret and don't be scared or surprised, i am the auditing manager of BANK OF AFRICA and i have an opportunity to transfer the sum of US$10.5MILLION (TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATE DOLLARS)
I have the courage to look for a reliable and Honest Person who will be capable for this important business Transaction, believing that you will never let me down either now or in Future.
The owner of this account is MR RON MORRIS, a foreigner and he is the Manager Of petrol chemical service, a chemical engineer by Proffession.He died with his entire family, they were among the victims of December 25, 2003 Air-Crash Incident in Benin Republic.
Since then, The bank has made series of efforts to contact any of the relatives to claim this fund but without success, you can confirm through this website:
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/
My Investigation as the bank auditing manager proved to me as well that his company does not know anything About this account.
I want to transfer this fund into a safe foreign account abroad and I know that this message will come to you as a surprise as we don't know ourselves before,but be sure that it is real And A Genuine business.
Hope that you will never let me down in this transaction.
At the conclusion of this business,you will be giving 40% of the total amount, 50% will be for me and 10% for any expenses the may accured during the transaction.
I looking forward to your earliest reply for more details.
Best regards
KABURI YUSUF
FROM MR. KABURI YUSUF
THE AUDITING MANAGER BANK OF AFRICA
OUAGADOUGOU- BURKINA FASO
Dear Friend,
I am the auditing manager of BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) Ouagadougou, BURKINA FASO,WEST AFRICA.
I am contacting you based on Trust and confidentiality that you will keep this as top secret and don't be scared or surprised, i am the auditing manager of BANK OF AFRICA and i have an opportunity to transfer the sum of US$10.5MILLION (TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATE DOLLARS)
I have the courage to look for a reliable and Honest Person who will be capable for this important business Transaction, believing that you will never let me down either now or in Future.
The owner of this account is MR RON MORRIS, a foreigner and he is the Manager Of petrol chemical service, a chemical engineer by Proffession.He died with his entire family, they were among the victims of December 25, 2003 Air-Crash Incident in Benin Republic.
Since then, The bank has made series of efforts to contact any of the relatives to claim this fund but without success, you can confirm through this website:
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/
My Investigation as the bank auditing manager proved to me as well that his company does not know anything About this account.
I want to transfer this fund into a safe foreign account abroad and I know that this message will come to you as a surprise as we don't know ourselves before,but be sure that it is real And A Genuine business.
Hope that you will never let me down in this transaction.
At the conclusion of this business,you will be giving 40% of the total amount, 50% will be for me and 10% for any expenses the may accured during the transaction.
I looking forward to your earliest reply for more details.
Best regards
KABURI YUSUF
Thursday, December 13, 2007
A Letter From Mrs. Judith Lancer
Well this is a new approach to the standard "You've won the lottery" scam I suppose, though it is still transparently obvious that is a scam. A charitable grant for educational and business development that is given out to 100 random people worldwide? Pull the other one, it's got bells on! Here for your entertainment is the letter in its entirety:
The Église catholique en France(www.cef.fr) would like to notify you that you have been chosen by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant-Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development. The Église catholique en France, established 1977 by the Multi-Million groups and now supported by the Economic Community for West African States (ECOWAS), United Nations Organization (UNO) and the European Union (EU) was conceived with the objective of human growth, educational, and community development.
In conjunction with the ECOWAS, UNO and the EU, We are giving out a
yearly donation of USD850,000.00 each to 100 lucky recipients. These specific Donations/Grants will be awarded to 100 lucky international recipients worldwide, in different categories.
Based on the random selection exercise of internet websites and millions of supermarket cash invoices worldwide, you were selected
amongst the lucky recipients to receive the award sum of
USD850,000.00 as charity donations-aid.
You are required to contact the Executive Secretary below, for
qualification documentation and processing of your claims. Please
endeavor to quote your Qualification numbers (CEF-080-2998-2996) in
all discussions.
Executive Secretary: Rev. Michael Dominique
Email: michaeldominique1@yahoo.fr
On behalf of the Board kindly, accept our warmest congratulations.
Regards,
Mrs. Judith Lancer.
The Église catholique en France(www.cef.fr) would like to notify you that you have been chosen by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant-Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development. The Église catholique en France, established 1977 by the Multi-Million groups and now supported by the Economic Community for West African States (ECOWAS), United Nations Organization (UNO) and the European Union (EU) was conceived with the objective of human growth, educational, and community development.
In conjunction with the ECOWAS, UNO and the EU, We are giving out a
yearly donation of USD850,000.00 each to 100 lucky recipients. These specific Donations/Grants will be awarded to 100 lucky international recipients worldwide, in different categories.
Based on the random selection exercise of internet websites and millions of supermarket cash invoices worldwide, you were selected
amongst the lucky recipients to receive the award sum of
USD850,000.00 as charity donations-aid.
You are required to contact the Executive Secretary below, for
qualification documentation and processing of your claims. Please
endeavor to quote your Qualification numbers (CEF-080-2998-2996) in
all discussions.
Executive Secretary: Rev. Michael Dominique
Email: michaeldominique1@yahoo.fr
On behalf of the Board kindly, accept our warmest congratulations.
Regards,
Mrs. Judith Lancer.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Another Lottery Win
Two in one day, not bad going eh? I'm raking in the imaginary millions here!
AWARD WINNING INFORMATION PLEASE RESPOND URGENTLY.
Refrence NUMBER: LSLUK/2031/8161/07.
BATCH NUMBER: 14/011/IPD.
ticket number: 50941465206-529.
Your email address has won the sum of $1,000.000.00 (USD) only in the December 2007 microsoft electronic free email lottary. please contact the under signed for your award.
Dr.Karl Peterson.
TEL: +31-630-255-305,FAX: +31-847-516-031.
Email: netpointsbv@aol.co.uk
Best regards,
Yours Sincerely,
Mrs.Gregge Van Der Hoofd.
AWARD WINNING INFORMATION PLEASE RESPOND URGENTLY.
Refrence NUMBER: LSLUK/2031/8161/07.
BATCH NUMBER: 14/011/IPD.
ticket number: 50941465206-529.
Your email address has won the sum of $1,000.000.00 (USD) only in the December 2007 microsoft electronic free email lottary. please contact the under signed for your award.
Dr.Karl Peterson.
TEL: +31-630-255-305,FAX: +31-847-516-031.
Email: netpointsbv@aol.co.uk
Best regards,
Yours Sincerely,
Mrs.Gregge Van Der Hoofd.
I Won A Hoax Lottery!
A bit of a change in the type of junkmail I'm posting here today. This is another type I get sent with some regularity, namely the scam email that claims I've won a large sum of money and all I need to do is provide some details to claim it. These emails are entirely bogus, and the people running them will try to get you to part with your money for "administrative costs" and the like. You won't of course ever actually get your suppossed prize money. So without further ado from me, here's a new mail to have a laugh at:
AWARD NOTICE
POSTCODE LOTERIJ NL.
RESULTS FOR CATEGORY "B" DRAWS
Ticket Number: NL/BC336791/HY07.
In view of the yearly sweepstake of
the above named organization held recently we are pleased to inform you
that your e-mail address attached to the above ticket Number:
NL/BC336791/HY07,Prized Number: 2941XG and Lucky number 5256JA, came up
in the first dip.This invariably means that you have emerged as the
prize winner of the sum of €1,500,000.00 Euros{One Million,Five Hundred
Thousand Euros} in the second category.
Be informed that all
participants were selected from a random computing ballot system.This
charitable sweepstake is sponsored by postcdeloterij.nl and government
parastatals.It is in your best interest and to avoid mix up of numbers
and names of any kind that we request you
keep the entire details of
your winning strictly from public notice until the process of
transferring your claims has been completed, and your funds remitted to
your account.This is part of our security protocol to avoid double
claims and unscrupulous acts by participants/ non participants of this
program.
To claim your winning,you should contact the OFFICIAL and
APPROVED paying bank here in Holland-Netherlands urgently:-
Dr.M.
Richard.
PostBank BL
www.postbank.nl
Email: mricharpostbnk@aim.com
You are also advice to furnish them with the following information:-
Your Names:-
Telephone / Fax-
Your Nationality{Your country of Origin}-
E-Ticket number-
Prize Number-
Congratulations once again from
management and staff of this company,and thanking you for being a lucky
winner of our promotions program.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Mariam Roosje -Hoo
NATIONALE POSTCODE LOTERIJ Promotion
www.postcodeloterij.nl
AWARD NOTICE
POSTCODE LOTERIJ NL.
RESULTS FOR CATEGORY "B" DRAWS
Ticket Number: NL/BC336791/HY07.
In view of the yearly sweepstake of
the above named organization held recently we are pleased to inform you
that your e-mail address attached to the above ticket Number:
NL/BC336791/HY07,Prized Number: 2941XG and Lucky number 5256JA, came up
in the first dip.This invariably means that you have emerged as the
prize winner of the sum of €1,500,000.00 Euros{One Million,Five Hundred
Thousand Euros} in the second category.
Be informed that all
participants were selected from a random computing ballot system.This
charitable sweepstake is sponsored by postcdeloterij.nl and government
parastatals.It is in your best interest and to avoid mix up of numbers
and names of any kind that we request you
keep the entire details of
your winning strictly from public notice until the process of
transferring your claims has been completed, and your funds remitted to
your account.This is part of our security protocol to avoid double
claims and unscrupulous acts by participants/ non participants of this
program.
To claim your winning,you should contact the OFFICIAL and
APPROVED paying bank here in Holland-Netherlands urgently:-
Dr.M.
Richard.
PostBank BL
www.postbank.nl
Email: mricharpostbnk@aim.com
You are also advice to furnish them with the following information:-
Your Names:-
Telephone / Fax-
Your Nationality{Your country of Origin}-
E-Ticket number-
Prize Number-
Congratulations once again from
management and staff of this company,and thanking you for being a lucky
winner of our promotions program.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Mariam Roosje -Hoo
NATIONALE POSTCODE LOTERIJ Promotion
www.postcodeloterij.nl
Monday, December 10, 2007
A Letter From Ejner Andersen
Yep, I got another one of these scam emails in the post today. Have a read of the latest idiots efforts to part me from my money! As always I've posted the letter exactly how it came to me, with typos, line breaks etc intact. Ohh yeah and to be sure he got my attention, this loser sent me the same email 3 times!
Attention,
It is with heartfelt hope that I write to seek your co-operation and assistance in the context stated below, I am Mr.Ejner Andersen, the personal assistant to the Late Mr. Richard Williams. I got your contact during my search for a reliable person I could do business with, though I do not know you but I seek to ask a favor from you as this will sincerely benefit the both of us and all parties involved.
My Late Boss was an Executive Officer of a leading Oil and Servicing Firm for 10 years and he was retired on the 28th day of September 2006. After a month, He and his entire family died on their way to a Conference in an Automobile crash on the 11th day of November 2006.
Before his death my Boss had a total sum of $10,500,000.00(USD) with a Financier House in Europe, hoping of transferring the funds to his Country {United Kingdom} after his retirement as soon as he comes back from the conference. According to the {DEED OF WILL} made be my late Boss, He wrote {DEED OF WILL} that if anything should happen to him, that I should make sure I locate any of his family members.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for close to a year now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased. I agree to pay you 50% of the fund as the account owner, 50% for me.
Please do provide the following information for the application processing.
1. Your full name:
2. Contact address:
3. Email:
4. Phone number for verbal communication:
5. Age (Date of Birth):
6. Occupation:
All this information will enable me write an application to the company on your behalf, and present you to the company as the real next of kin to my late Boss. All required is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this business successful. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement which will protect you from any breach of the law.
Late Richard Williams was a very good man and it is not wise for me to allow his hard earned wealth to be stolen by the greedy directors of the Company. Please note that this email is with no intent of getting you upset in anyway but just a proposal I believe will be of mutual benefit to both of us. I strongly await your urgent response for effective process.
Regards,
Ejner Andersen.
Attention,
It is with heartfelt hope that I write to seek your co-operation and assistance in the context stated below, I am Mr.Ejner Andersen, the personal assistant to the Late Mr. Richard Williams. I got your contact during my search for a reliable person I could do business with, though I do not know you but I seek to ask a favor from you as this will sincerely benefit the both of us and all parties involved.
My Late Boss was an Executive Officer of a leading Oil and Servicing Firm for 10 years and he was retired on the 28th day of September 2006. After a month, He and his entire family died on their way to a Conference in an Automobile crash on the 11th day of November 2006.
Before his death my Boss had a total sum of $10,500,000.00(USD) with a Financier House in Europe, hoping of transferring the funds to his Country {United Kingdom} after his retirement as soon as he comes back from the conference. According to the {DEED OF WILL} made be my late Boss, He wrote {DEED OF WILL} that if anything should happen to him, that I should make sure I locate any of his family members.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for close to a year now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased. I agree to pay you 50% of the fund as the account owner, 50% for me.
Please do provide the following information for the application processing.
1. Your full name:
2. Contact address:
3. Email:
4. Phone number for verbal communication:
5. Age (Date of Birth):
6. Occupation:
All this information will enable me write an application to the company on your behalf, and present you to the company as the real next of kin to my late Boss. All required is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this business successful. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement which will protect you from any breach of the law.
Late Richard Williams was a very good man and it is not wise for me to allow his hard earned wealth to be stolen by the greedy directors of the Company. Please note that this email is with no intent of getting you upset in anyway but just a proposal I believe will be of mutual benefit to both of us. I strongly await your urgent response for effective process.
Regards,
Ejner Andersen.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
A Politically Correct Christmas Poem
Anyone who knows me well will know (or should) that I hate political correctness. It is the art of taking a good intention and twisting it into a weapon and wielding it then with fanatical zeal. It is nothing short of insane to try to make two sexes into one essentially genderless society. We humans thrive on our differences. Women fascinate and entice us Men because they are different. Men enchant and seduce Women because they find us fascinating. And so the human race continues. But these days, what started out as a well meant intention to iron out a few creases in relationships between the sexes, has become a liberal crusade to undo what makes Men and Women what they are.
So here's a poem that I grabbed from the Alter Realm Message Boards, where it was posted by my very good friend Vickie. And it's a poem that to the tune of "Twas the Night Before Christmas", points out just how crazy this era of supposed Political Corectness is.
A Politically Correct Christmas Poem
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".
To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.
So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.
And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to be careful with that word today
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
So here's a poem that I grabbed from the Alter Realm Message Boards, where it was posted by my very good friend Vickie. And it's a poem that to the tune of "Twas the Night Before Christmas", points out just how crazy this era of supposed Political Corectness is.
A Politically Correct Christmas Poem
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".
To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.
So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.
And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to be careful with that word today
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
Thursday, November 29, 2007
A Letter From Peter Wong
Yay, another mail sent to me today. Have a read and a laugh at this moron's email. He can't even get his own name right!
DEAR FRIEND,
I am Mr.paul leech Executive Director of the Hang Seng
Bank Ltd, taiwan.An Iraqi named Besem Faruak,
a business man made a numbered fixed deposit of
(126,336,8299.38 hk) for 18 calendar months, this is
valued to Eigth milion United State Dollars only in
my branch.
Upon maturity several notice was sent to him, even
during the war,four years ago (2003). Again after the
war another notification was sent and
still no response came from him. We later found out
that Besem Faruak, and his family had been killed
during the war in Gunfire that hit their
home at Mukaradeeb where his personal oil well was.
After further investigation it was also discovered
that Besem Faruak,
did not declare any next of kin in his official
papers including the paper work of his bank deposit.
And he also confided in me the last time we was
at my office that no one except me knew of his
deposit in my bank. So, Eigth milion United State
Dollars is still lying
in my bank and no one will ever come forward to
claim it. What bothers me is that according to the
laws of my country
at the expiration five years six months the funds will
revert to the ownership of the hong kong Government if
nobody
applies to claim the funds.
My proposal, I am prepared to place you as the next of
kin in a position to instruct HANG SENG BANK to
release the deposit to you as the closest
surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am
prepared to share the money with you in half. That is:
I will simply nominate you as the
next of kin and have them release the deposit to
you. We share the procentange50/50.
I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released
to me, but that would have drawn a straight line in
my involvement in claiming the
deposit.I assure you that I could have the deposit
released to you within a few days.
I will simply inform the bank of the final closing
of the file relating to Besem Faruak, I will then
officially communicate with my
Bank and instruct them to release the deposit to
you. With these: all is done.
I am aware of the consequences of this
proposal.should be interested in executing this with
me;
indicate your interest by sending me the following:
1. YOUR NAME
2. YOUR RESIDENT ADDRESS
3. YOUR OCCUPATION
4. YOUR PHONE NUMBER
5. DATE OF BIRTH
6. COUNTRY OF RESIDENT
Your response with the requested information should be
sent to reach me at my personal email address below:
peterwong_4@yahoo.com.hk
I shall then provide you with more details on this
operation when I hear from you.
Sincerely,
Mr.peter wong
DEAR FRIEND,
I am Mr.paul leech Executive Director of the Hang Seng
Bank Ltd, taiwan.An Iraqi named Besem Faruak,
a business man made a numbered fixed deposit of
(126,336,8299.38 hk) for 18 calendar months, this is
valued to Eigth milion United State Dollars only in
my branch.
Upon maturity several notice was sent to him, even
during the war,four years ago (2003). Again after the
war another notification was sent and
still no response came from him. We later found out
that Besem Faruak, and his family had been killed
during the war in Gunfire that hit their
home at Mukaradeeb where his personal oil well was.
After further investigation it was also discovered
that Besem Faruak,
did not declare any next of kin in his official
papers including the paper work of his bank deposit.
And he also confided in me the last time we was
at my office that no one except me knew of his
deposit in my bank. So, Eigth milion United State
Dollars is still lying
in my bank and no one will ever come forward to
claim it. What bothers me is that according to the
laws of my country
at the expiration five years six months the funds will
revert to the ownership of the hong kong Government if
nobody
applies to claim the funds.
My proposal, I am prepared to place you as the next of
kin in a position to instruct HANG SENG BANK to
release the deposit to you as the closest
surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am
prepared to share the money with you in half. That is:
I will simply nominate you as the
next of kin and have them release the deposit to
you. We share the procentange50/50.
I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released
to me, but that would have drawn a straight line in
my involvement in claiming the
deposit.I assure you that I could have the deposit
released to you within a few days.
I will simply inform the bank of the final closing
of the file relating to Besem Faruak, I will then
officially communicate with my
Bank and instruct them to release the deposit to
you. With these: all is done.
I am aware of the consequences of this
proposal.should be interested in executing this with
me;
indicate your interest by sending me the following:
1. YOUR NAME
2. YOUR RESIDENT ADDRESS
3. YOUR OCCUPATION
4. YOUR PHONE NUMBER
5. DATE OF BIRTH
6. COUNTRY OF RESIDENT
Your response with the requested information should be
sent to reach me at my personal email address below:
peterwong_4@yahoo.com.hk
I shall then provide you with more details on this
operation when I hear from you.
Sincerely,
Mr.peter wong
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