More Of The Same

Sooo... another night, another failure. I went out to the Market House for 80's night, same as usual. and when the night was done I walked out and the depression hit me harder and faster than the cold did. Once more I walked home alone, no names, no phone numbers. Goddammit I'm doing something wrong, or I'm not doing something right and I don't know what it is.

It's not like I'm not trying. I used to never go out, I go out regularly now. I never used to dance (or only when there were lots of other people on the floor, thus hiding me to an extent), I now love to dance, and quite often towards the end of the night I'll be the only one on the dancefloor at times. I try and strike up conversations, I smile, I flirt. And still nothing.

I have a couple weeks of paid holiday starting on Wednesday next week. I'm not going anywhere, don't have the money too, just going to relax and take it easy. I think I'm going to give going out a miss for a few weeks, maybe until the New Year. I'm not sure, but right now I just feel like I'm throwing money after a lost cause, and I can't afford to do that.

On another note, I met a few people from work (or who used to work in the same store) at the pub tonight, notably Ben Wallace (from Admin, who informed me that he now reads this site. Heya Ben), Chris Cooke, Samantha (who I remember from the Boxing Day party we threw at this house last year. She was the one who put her foot through the bathroom door, and shagged a guy on the floor of Tony's study) and the incredibly gorgeous Natalie (shame she smokes really). I didn't have much to do with them though, I knew they were there, they knew I was there. That was about it as far as socialising went.