I Got What I Deserved

I asked a lady out on a date tonight... No. That's not true. That's a lie. Let me start again.

I almost asked a lady out on a date tonight. What I actually did was chicken out of asking her, and instead placed a note where I knew she'd find it, that "asked" her, and vanished. Ironically at the bottom of the note I left her, I gave her the address for this page, so there is a good chance she might be reading this.

If so, I'd like to say sorry. You deserved better than that. I don't know why I asked you in the fashion that I did, I was there, the words were in my mouth and they died there. I lost the nerve to say them and left that note instead. I let my typing do my talking. So I got the evening that I deserved. I went to the cinema and I waited for something like 2 hours either in the foyer or outside (barring a couple brief excursions to McDonalds for a bite to eat, and the Hollywood Bowl for a drink). Yeah it was cold, but by then I knew you weren't turning up, and I didn't care if I got chilly.

So after 2 hours I figured I might as well watch a movie since I was there, and by that time pretty much the only film left to see was Wallace & Gromit (which I wanted to see anyway). It was a good film, I laughed a bit, but I think I'll enjoy it more the next time I see it. I am very angry with myself right now, I do care about this woman, have done for quite a while now. I don't know why I lost my nerve.

I don't think it is the "No" that I'm afraid of hearing, it's what else goes with it. From past experience, women don't just say no. It's not enough to say no to a guy, when he asks them out and they're not interested. They always have to say something else, something to put the guy down, as though how dare he think himself worthy to ask them out. And while I do not think she would say anything like that, she does not strike me as the type who would, part of me greatly fears hearing that kind of a put down in her voice anyway.