Unemployed

So I got sacked from my job in the supermarket last on Friday... I knew it was coming. I suffer with migraines and now and then they cause me to have to take a day off work sick to deal with them. Rarely am I off work longer than a day, sometimes two. But the days still add up. The company had policy of 4% sickness over a rolling 12 month period. My sickness rate went over that and the disciplinary track began. First came a verbal warning, then a written one and then a final written one. The final written got reissued too, but when I got the migraine 1.5 weeks ago on the Wednesday night and it kept me awake all night, unable to sleep, well I had a lot of time to think (even though thinking hurt).

I phoned in sick on the Thursday morning and spent the day mostly asleep, eating next to nothing because I had no appetite, my migraines are probably the only thing that robs me of my appetite. I drank water, took painkillers and slept and I thought I had it beaten. So much so that I was in work on the Friday morning. The migraine had become merely a mild headache and I felt safe to go to work. I was wrong. It came back with a vengeance and I was sick in the customer mens toilets and was then sent home. I didn't return to work until the Wednesday as I spent Saturday off ill recuperating, and Sunday-Tuesday were my days off anyway.

When I returned to work I knew I would have a back to work chat with one of the managers. I knew at it they would issue me with a summons to a disciplinary hearing which I had figured would be on the Friday. It was. Friday 30th September at 12:00 noon. I took my good friend and work colleague Richard Adams along as my witness, even though I knew what was most likely going to happen and didn't really want a witness there for it. Still considering how long the interval in the hearing was while the Store Manager and Personnel Manager adjorned to decide what to do, I was very glad to have him there to talk too.

I was told that I was being dismissed (which I had expected, so much so that I'd cleared out my locker the day before). At the time of my dismissal against a company policy of 4%, my sickness for the 12 month stood at 5.28%. I said a few goodbyes as I made my way out of the store, but only a few. Some weren't in that day, some were and I couldn't find them. I made my way home and resolved to take the weekend off work and start looking afresh on Monday.

I didn't go looking on Monday. I spent most of the day filling out the Jobseeker's Allowance forms on the internet instead and then I ran my weekly Pathfinder RPG game in the evening, followed by the urge to write this. From somewhere now I need to find it within myself to motivate myself, something I've struggled to do for ohh so long. I have brains, I have the ability to use them, I'm just extremely bad at caring enough about myself to want to do so. I'd move mountains if I could to help others, but I have nothing but contempt and loathing for myself.