The Note Through The Door

So after work today at 9pm, I got home to a note stuck in my bedroom door. It had been put there by my two housemates, after being posted through the front door. Gareth noticed it earlier in the day and put it in the doorframe for me to find. The note was obviously hand delivered, and was written on the back of a printed copy of a photograph I have online. This photograph in fact:


The text of the note read as follows (and this is an exact copy of it, spelling mistakes included):

We know who you are and we are willing to put this in the gazzette.

Unless you are willing to meet us @ "shout" tomorrow night. Come Alone or else.
Ask for O.J Simpson at the bar + knock three times!!!

Come Alone

Needless to say the actual thing wasn't in italics and that last Come Alone was underlined, twice, but you get the idea. To say that this note is laughable is to put it mildly. Let's go through it shall we?

Who know you you are

Well obviously you do, you just hand delivered the note to my address which means that you have to know me in person, or else be very good at following me home to know where I live, as my address (for obvious reasons) is not listed where that photo can be found.

we are willing to put this in the gazzette

Put what in the Gazette exactly? A picture of me holding a whip? Hmmm, like it would even get published and if it did. So what? We have 2 sex shops in town already and a 3rd has applied for permission to open. They wouldn't be here if they weren't making money and that means SELLING THINGS. A good number of homes in this town have got things a lot more risque than a whip in them that's for sure. Not exactly news dumbass!

Unless you are willing to meet us @ "shout" tomorrow night. Come Alone or else.

Or else what? I just pointed out that your "threat" is utterly toothless. I've neither got the money nor the inclination to go to Shout on student night. I'm 30, the average age in there on a Thursday is a good 5 years younger than me and that's the older crowd. If you wanted me to go somewhere alone, you should have said the Market House as I nearly always go there by myself. If you actually knew me, you'd know that!

Ask for O.J Simpson at the bar + knock three times!!!

Riiiiight okay, so you're going to be at the bar, all night are you? I ask this because you forgot to state what time to be at Shout for. So whoever you are (and from the we earlier I'm guessing there's more than one of you... that or you just suck at grammar), you're going to be stood at the bar, all night, watching for me to do and say that are you? I think not.

I'm going to give this "invite" a pass. It was almost certainly written by one of my mates as a very poor joke. You want to play a practical joke like this on me guys, you're really going to have to do a lot better than this.